whyjuliarose

shed

2011-12-20T10:16:00.000-08:00

its tuesday, and i feel good.
a fresh breath of air has swirled its way through my body, invigorating me and causing a state of peace simultaneously.
i am sanquine that this feeling persists, as the acerbicness of the last few months has left a tart shell around my body which i am currently shedding.
shedding. shedding.

2011-12-12T09:29:00.000-08:00

monday.
there is a cloudy blanket covering the sky this morning, temps have dropped a few degrees.
i have alot to be thankful for.
i have my health.
i have my family and their health.
i have forest and rex.
i have a place to live, free of rent.
i have food to eat.
i have a soft bed to sleep in.
i have a car that runs.
my mind has taken a vacation... hopefully i find that soon.

cradle rock

2011-12-10T10:59:00.000-08:00

it is a total lunar eclipse today.
sun is shining, its really a clear skied beautiful day out there.
so, in another hour or so, headed up to the virgin foothills here to look at some petroglyphs. a little adventure. i'm due.
sooo....now down to it. these last couple months have finally come to a head. i've been wallowing in a self created nightmare, living in the past and making myself absolutely crazy. smoking cigarettes, smoking myself stupid, and just sitting and marinating in this pity pot. and it has been horrible. yesterday, something happened at work that has brought me back to reality. i got a random and was dirty... so i terminated my own job before they could fire me.
so, it kinda backed me up against a wall and made me realize how i have lost myself.
so, the universe speaks to me again. my cradle has been rocked but instead of waking up and crying... i'm just waking up.

red nails

2011-12-06T08:51:00.000-08:00

well its day two of this therapeutic writing process i have assigned to myself.
i am not feeling too great this morning. better than most days but not as good as i'd like to feel. part of me just isn't completely happy. and at this point, i don't even know why. is it things that have set me off in the past that i cant get over completely? or is it that i am just not happy with my life as it is and i am just refusing to give up on it?
i have my first psycho therapy session today. preceeding my facial and after my nails get shelaced a bright shiny red.
festive for the holidays. at least my nails will be in the spirit of christmas. the rest of me falls somewhere on the wayside.

puzzled

2011-12-05T09:32:00.000-08:00

well im back. i wish i could say that with gusto. but its more of a drawn out, lack-luster, sighed out greeting.
im back, meaning back to writing, because i feel i need to. i've lost so many pieces of myself along the way, that you can hardly make out the whole puzzle picture anymore. i'm scattered, i'm lost, and i'm disorganized.
writing has always brought me some sort of peace and a way back to understanding myself. so me writing now, is more of a therapy than anything else.
its hard for me to even post this after i write it, because i want my 'millions' of readers to think i'm well.
so. there's nothing new here. i've been to this place within myself before. i like to call it my perfect nightmare, where the days are as dark as the nights...where the sinister pains that lurk inside of me show their many fearful faces...where i push when i want to hold close, where i am green with jealousy, red with anger, blue with sadness. where i literally create this world around me, comprised of nothing more than my worst fears imaginable. come true.
and thats where i am right now.
i have created this world around me. i have created this misery and the pain. it doesn't need to be like this.
the only times i ever feel like this are when i am in love.
so, here i am again. i start out with this unparalleled, practically super-human strength, and not long after...i am a hollowed out shell of what i used to be.
so here i am, left with the casing of julia. and the casing is even deteriorating. i can't seem to pull myself together, even as i watch my dreams fall through my fingers.

weary

2011-08-22T15:10:00.000-07:00

our weary souls march across these lands, the weight of the world on our shoulders. the injustices seem to seep into our bodies, creating contours, folds, and lines.
grimacing in the face of the betrayer, we stumble on.
life: a place of struggle.
life: a relentless beating of already tortured souls.
where is the fairness of this world?
where is the perfect order amidst the chaos?

we've touched the brilliance of peace and sanctity.
some more than others.
its there.
the peace is there.
now,
lets find it.

deep and dark

2011-06-30T07:23:00.000-07:00

june 29th. 2011.
i am up early, sipping freshly brewed french roast starbucks, so deep and dark in its ways. naughty. the java is bathing in a hot pool of caffeinated bliss alongside a slightly ridiculous amount of cream and raw sugar, both carefree and totally nude.
the nevada sun is pouring through the bay windows here, designing geometric shadows on the round glass table i am sitting at. looks like its gonna be another triple digit day outside, not a cloud or breeze to be found.
in the background, rex chomps emphatically on his breakfast. And further down the hall, reggae music beats its way through thin air to find its way to my vulnerable eardrums.
even my coffee cup has a reggae theme.
and one more cup, please and thankyou coffee gods.

last night, during dinner, forest and i revved up vintage ideas and philosphies, including the suffering in this world, so deep and dark in its ways. and..in our quest for world peace (ahem), we nodded at the notion that it really is all about perspective. yea, thats a period there. i suppose circumtance weasles its way into unhappiness as well. and maybe even genetic makeup. but the majority of tortured souls have a choice. and what is this life for if not to be happy? how could we NOT desperately seek a state of well-being, as if our lives depended upon it? which they do.

and so it goes. heres to perspective.

elephant and you

2011-06-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

so, there is this analogy that attempts to explain the relationship between the two sides in everyone. one side is logical, sensible, and stays on the straight and narrow...attempting to hit 'the mark'. and the other side, careless and whimsical, whose impulses are so strong and beat so hard that the mind and body are consumed and taken over, given free reign to the innate impulses that resonate and push you in a direction, missing 'the mark' by a long shot.
the analogy is this:
imagine that your two sides could take form. your careless side is an elephant and your logical side is a small version of you...riding the elephant. you have reigns and a harness on the elephant and you sensibly guide this big part of you in the right direction, down the path and to a particular destination. the elephant listens and follows your lead. however, if the elephant decides that it wants to veer off of the path that has been laid before it...no amount of redirecting will stop it. it is too large and powerful and hang on because, you are going for a ride.
is there truth to this? yes, i think so. but with discipline and practice, the elephant will begin to adhere to the principles of sensibility far more frequently.
and in doing so, the persons' psyche will be more disciplined to stay on course than be distracted with that resounding impulse to veer astray. also, not all elephants are the same, in that some elephants are more riddled with curiousity and mischeviousness than others...causing this tendency to be stronger in some while milder in others. but its there in everyone, all the same.

naked

2011-06-12T19:15:00.000-07:00

i have been in the desert now for a month and a half. ish. its beginning to get hot. the heated serpent, dressed in tans and greens, likes to flick its forked tounge at me...so close to touching me i can feel its hot breath down my neck like the shift of an air current, burning a little hotter than the second before. the desert is a different kind of place for me. it has stripped me of all of my belongings and habits and false bottomed securities. naked i am. alone. with forest, yes. but far away from anything familiar. i have no crutches anymore. nothing to lean on when i feel weak. and this may be a good thing. forces me to stand up a little straighter and summon the strength that i have known was there all along. the courage to face my fears..that seem to lie...in wait...for a weakness in the armor that i wear. these fears have snuck in, manifested, and made a home inside of me. they lie dormant for most of the time. but, here, in the desert, my fears and i...well we have more confrontations. one just as horrible as the next. and i know why. its because i used to have mechanisms to push them at bay. to temporarily relieve myself of the angst of fear. to shut it out and push it down. i have no mechanisms here. when the shutters open, and i feel weak, the darkness inside of me rushes through me like a Montana thunderstorm on a summer day.
and the maddening part...of it all, is that these debilatating fears are not even real. they are but a figment of my tainted imagination.

thirty.

2011-04-14T09:09:00.000-07:00

its my birthday today. i am 30 years old. and yes i feel wiser. just like a new pair of running shoes makes you run faster. I am wrapping things up at school, finishing up with photography and web design. currently, i am cleaning, packing, and subsequently moving out of my gorgeous lil loft by campus. my little sister is pregnant with a little girl. my best friend just had a 10 pound baby boy. and i am moving to nevada in 15 days, migrating south with the birdies to be with my forest. life is good. very good. wecolming the 30s with open arms.

click click

2011-02-17T11:56:00.000-08:00

awww... 2011... you sweet sweet sassy little year you.

so happy for so many things this year.
forest, my love, who is as sweet and caring as he is gorgaliscious is the one who puts a twinkle in my eye and a smile on my face... (okay after you go puke, come back and continue reading).

while living in the clouds, i have also mangaged to be productive... a little bit.
i am branching off with photography, learning much more about my camera and taking lots of photos...

shutter speed.
slow (long exposure...motion is blurred)

fast (short exposure to light...motion is frozen)

aperture.
the less light let in, the more depth of field...

the more light let in (larger opening), the shallower the depth of field...

high key photograph...(increased photo composition, slower exposure)

low key...

roots

2011-02-11T06:43:00.000-08:00

friday morning.
its white outside but warmish. tolerable.
i pryed myself out of bed at 545 this a.m. to go to yoga class.
so glad i did.
there has been so many emotions swirling around inside of me lately. emotions that affect me physiologically, which domino into my physical. and emotions that aren't even real, merely figments and fragments of my imaginative mind.
when these emotions overtake me, i understand that they aren't real. that i am being consumed by something that i am inventing. consumed by something that's not even real. is that insanity? i think its a bit insane, yes.
so, as my heart and mind race through the recesses of unexplicable paralyzing territory, so foriegn yet so familiar...i need to regain a sense of control. of peace. i need to navigate, find the root of the psychological abscess, and begin to work at it until it is free from me.
i believe that we, every one of us, has the ability to free ourselves from pain.
wholly.
yoga this morning loosed my knot. figuratively and literally.
and i feel blessed. and thankful. and the holds that had me this morning have lessened their proverbial grip.
or maybe i should say, light was shed onto the darkness, the falsehood of my thoughts, and they disappeared.

bird it

2011-01-29T07:58:00.000-08:00

the skies blue offers a soft backdrop this morning to the powdered sugar puff clouds. the birds are out. the length of my balcony is lined with tufts of soft bread, however the birds must not be as hungry as i thought because half of it is still there. either that, or these jays are bread connoisseurs, scoffing at the thought of indulging in a walmart bread brand. or maybe, the bread chunks are too big for their little beaks.

in any case, i think these little jay birds outside of my window are diva'ish'.

a new year

2011-01-27T18:11:00.001-08:00

breathe in and let it out. in and out.
my life is bountiful. pure and simple.

colds & flu

2011-01-07T12:57:00.000-08:00

"the only safe and effective defense to influenza is having a strong offense."

this time of year, everyone around me is battling the bug. influenza and the common cold. i had a bout with it myself during holiday break.
so, the ever zealous 'geek' in me spotlights these times as opportunitites to research natural prevention and treatment. (geeks btw, are where its at).

ahem.

most of my research has been drawn upon in this particular topic by an author and natural medicine man, dr. richard schulze who has devoted his studies to natural healing remedies. you could say the following is an outline of his book, called 'colds & flu'. knowledge is power.

here we go....

colds, upper-respiratory tract infections, influenza, stuffed-up sinuses, sore throats, swollen tonsils and adenoids, coughs, fevers and long congestion are all infections caused by a pathogen, or germ.

there IS such thing as cold and flu 'season' because during these months, people are more confined to their homes with less ventilation, less fresh air and more closed windows. bacterial and viral infections are spread by infected saliva and mucous droplets from coughing and sneezing.

OPEN THOSE WINDOWS AND GET SOME AIR CIRCULATING!!!

IF YOU CAN HELP IT STAY AWAY FROM OTHERS WHO ARE SICK!!!

i hardly believe it, but statistics show that influenza kills a minimum of 40,000 people every year.

drifting and shifting:
when a virus mutates gradually, this is referred to as a drift. the changing enables the virus to evade your immune system's defenses, go unrecognized and infect you again.
when a virus changes quickly, this is called a shift.

heres a fun fact...yet another thing we are all lied to about soley because there are billions of dollars involved.

antiobiotics have NO preventative or curing effect on influenza or colds.
its all about making money.
most doctors, who know better, still write prescriptions for antibiotics just to keep their patients happy.

ew.

flu shots.
billions and billions of dollars are in the flu shot biz.
there are hundreds of known influenza viruses and over 200 common ones.
it takes MONTHS to manufacture influenza shots and the viral mix has to be a guess or prediction of what is thought will be arriving the next flu season.
NONE of these flu shot predictions has ever been accurate.

There is mercury and aluminum in every flu shot, increasing your chances of alzeimers and various other cognitive dysfunction.

ok. are we, as consumers, in a rat race? our every move dictated by lies begatting beCATTing lies?

vaccines.
another money maker?
i am prone to think so.

here is a crash course on your immune system...
its our defense system.
comprised of organs, tissues, systems, blood cells, fluids, nodes, nodules, bones, and other pieces and parts all over your body.
whats in the arsenal?
white blood cells for one, which kill invaders and communicate information.
b-cells, which ultimately create antibodies.
lymphatic fluid and immune fluids.
thymus, spleen, lymphatic nodes
appendix, tonsils, adenoids
red bone marrow...
all combat illness.

The invaders are often referred to as antigens (anti-creation) or pathogens (disease-creation) or just germs. these micro-organisms include bacteria, viruses, fungi, pollen, cancer cells, etc.

your immune system is designed to kill and dispose of any of these foriegn bodies.

its two main jobs include surveillance and action.

it checks blood and body for invaders and if it detects any, it goes into action.

very basically, monocytes or macrophages attack viciously to kill and eat up any substance that isn't you. other immune cells also have their specific jobs to do in killing the invador.

t cells work together with b cells by excreting certain immune fluids that intereferes with the pathogens ability to replicate and reproduce. these immune chemicals also activate t killer cells which increase the communication ability between immune cells and even help protect your body's healthy cells that have not been infected by making them more resistant to the pathogen.

some of these fluids releases by the macrophages tell your body to increase its temperature. this process is called leukotaxis. its purpose is to speed up the rate at which your white blood cells can move through your blood stream and your body. for every degree of temperature rise in your body, the speed at which these white blood cells can travel is douboed.

this proves that reducing fevers with drugs goes directly against what your body is doing and inhibits and reduces the ability of your immune system to heal you.

so..

DONT USE DRUGS TO REDUCE TEMPERATURE BECAUSE IT INTERFERES WITH YOUR WHITE BLOOD CELLS KILLING OFF WHATEVER PATHOGEN IS CAUSING DIS-EASE. (to an extent, obviously. you don't want your temp to get too high...but a little fever is good).

the t cells and b cells attack the invader by creating and excreting a poison (antibody) that is specifically lethal to the invader.

we are what we think.
using neuro-peptide receptors, our immune system is listening to and reacting to our emotional dialog.

SO STAY POSITIVE!

whoops! i mean....

9 effective cold and flu prevention tips
1. avoid sick people and crowds

2. start preventative natural medicine
--> keep your blood rich with nutrients. these nutrients are your body's building blocks that it needs to bu9ild all imuune cells, which wage war against the invaders.
the best way is by eating plenty of organic, live, fruits, vegetables, grains, seeds, nuts and sprouts...basicaly a healthy and vital vegan food program.

3. clean the air
-->air purifier, fresh air, masks or scarves

4. wash your hands more often

5. keep your fingers out of your nose, mouth, and eyes

6. keep warm and don't get a chill

7. get more movement and sun
--> your immune system does not have a pump like your blood circulation has your heart. it totally depends on you moving your body to massage and pump your white blood immune cells around your body. no movement is no immune circulation.
try yoga or deep breathing...stretching and sex... an hour a day.

8. get your eight hours of sleep
-->lack of sleep can double your chances of getting an infection when exposed to it.

9. avoid negativity

okay.
so...you feel it coming on..the itchy and scratchy show...the dreaded sickness.

WHAT TO DO AT THE FIRST SIGN OF A COLD OR FLU IS EARLY AGGRESSIVE TREATMENT.
YOU CAN REDUCE SYMPTOMS BY UP TO %50 OR MORE AND ALSO REDUCE THE DURATION OF THE INFECTION BY %50 OR MORE.

once you have had contact with the bacteria or virus, the pathogens start multiplying in your body after a few hours.

the quicker you can start the natural defensive health and immune building, the better cheddar.

So here's what to do...

8 steps of aggressive purification

1. stop eating
--> it takes alot of blood and a lot of your body's energy to process, digest, assimilate and eliminate food. instead, all of this energy can be utilized by your body and immune system. get out the juicer and start juicing, stay on pure water, herbal teas, and fresh fruit and vegetables...a vegan diet.

2. start drinking
--> 16 oz. of water and fresh organic fruit juice. lemon juice with a few pinches of cayenne pepper.

3. herbs.
--> echinacea. it is a powerful immune system stiumulant. habanero peppers makes the echinacea work much faster and stronger, and garlic kills harmful pathogens.
raw garlic specifically.

4. hot and cold therapy
--> okay heres what you do. run a hot bath (as hot as you can stand) and bring in a large cup of tea with a sprinkle of cayenne pepper. sit in the bath for 15 to 20 minutes and keep putting hot water in so that it doesn't cool down. you wanna sweat here. drain the bath and alternate hot and cold shower temperatures several times. hot water relaxes you and loosens your muscles. cold water stiumulates you and contracts the muscles. the reasoning behind this is that you are bringing the blood to the surface of your body, then driving it back to the center core of your body.this alternation of hot to cold is the most powerful form of moving your blood and lymphatic fluid. k. get in some sweats and go to bed.

5. crack a window...
-->if you don't live in montana during the winter time.

6. stay positive
--> its that mind body thing.

7. enema
--> at least consider it. ideally, you want to flush accumulated waste and toxins out of your body.

8. potassium broth
--> the vegetables are powerfully alkalinizing to your body, which assists your body to eliminate mucous, acids, waste, toxins and poisons. it is a natural mineral flush for your blood and body.
once you have made it, sip it warm for a few days.
potassium broth recipe
*fill a large pot up to a few inches below the top with:
%25 potato peels
%25 chopped whole beets and carrots
%25 garlic and white onions
%25 dark greens (beet greens, kale, collard, spinich, etc)
-add a few hot peppers
-add enough distilled water to just cover veggies and simmer on very low for one to four hours. do not boil.
-strain and drink only the broth.
-use only organic veggies. we are flushing OUT the body here.other ideas...
throat spray and chest rub

this should have you back to yourself in no time at all....

salud to good health

nutritional happiness

2011-01-05T09:41:00.000-08:00

~good morning everyone~

i just so happen to believe that, as we mosey along through our lives, we are all ultimately striving for one thing.

long-lasting happiness.

i am not talking temporary happiness, which can be gained by drugs, alcohol, medication, promiscuous sex, on and on. these temporary highs are followed, without fail, by painful lows.

i don't want lows, if i can help it.

i want highs, natural highs, that i produce within myself.

as far as health is concerned, i am a ginormous advocate of psychosomatic medicine,the interrelationship between psychological and biological factors in human health and disease, the connection between mind and body.

in fact, i think it is paramount

so, we want long-lasting happiness.
there are alot of factors out there that are out of our control in terms of attaining optimal well-being.
for instance,
~genetics (inherited genes that play roles in setting the stage for depression)
~age (attempted suicide rates peak during the adolescent years)
~gender (woman are 2 to 3 times more likely to have depression than men)
~ethnicity (hispanic and black adolescents report more depression than white adolescents)
~family history of depression (a study showed that children whose parents suffered from major depression were nine times more likely to be depressed than children from unaffected families)

so why don't we focus on things within our control?

like nutrition.

There is a direct relationship between the food we eat and the way we feel.

Serotonin is one of those "feel good" chemicals in our brains.
Low serotonin levels in the brain are a contributing factor to depression.
Serotonin is NOT found in any food or food supplements, it can only be manufactured by the body.

The body needs raw materials to make serotonin.
One of these materials is the amino acid known as tryptophan.
EATING FOODS WITH ADEQUATE AMOUNTS OF TRYPTOPHAN OPTIMIZES SEROTONIN PRODUCTION.

foods with alot of tryptophan:
~tofu
~flax seeds
~pumpkin seeds

Omega-3.
Another nutrient you want in your arsenal is OMEGA-3 fat.
Mental effects of Omega-3 deficiency include:
~higher risk of depression
~lower IQ

foods with alot of omega-3
~FISH OIL supplement
~Mackerel
~Halibu
~flaxseed oil
~spinich
~walnuts

Folic Acid.
Depression can be caused or worsened by insufficient blood levels of a B vitamin called folic acid, or folate.
Raising the folic acid level by diet will typically cure certain forms of depression!

foods with alot of folate
~chickpeas
~lentils
~kidney beans

Vitamin B12.
Deficiencies of this vitamin result in poor coordination, frequent forgetfulness, and depression.

food that has B12
~TAKING B12 SUPPLEMENTS IS ADVISED! in particular, HYDROXYCOBALAMIN.
~soy milk
~dry cereal
~steak

So we should all really think about making a conscious effort to provide ourselves with dietary nutrients including tryptophan, omega-3 fats, B12 vitamin, and folic acid. in doing so, we are being an active participant in achieving what we all really want, a sense of well-being, naturally.

eightfold path

2011-01-04T08:35:00.000-08:00

according to Siddhartha Gauatama, these eight practices are meant to free indiduals from suffering. these guidelines are meant to help free up an individual from attachments (addictions) and delusional thinking...to capture truth from the world. without practice, all efforts are futile.

these eight steps are not sequential, but independently work with eachother.

one. right views.
to see things as they really are. impermanent. imperfect. that suffering has a cure.

two. right intentions.
focusing our mental energy on controlling our actions. commitment to ethical and mental self-improvement. intention of good will.

three. right speech.
words can make or break. no lies. no gossip. no slander. tell the truth. speak warmly, gently, and only when necessary.

four. right conduct.
unwholesome actions lead to unwholesome states of mind. don't kill. don't steal. don't engage in sexual misconduct.

five. right livelihood.
righteous living. not dealing in weapons. no dealings with living beings (prostitution, slaughter). not working in meat production. no selling of intoxicants.

six. right effort.
wholesome mental energy. self discipline, honesty, benevolence, kindness.

seven. right mindfulness.
seeing things with clear consciousness. actively observing and controlling where our thoughts go. contemplation of body, feeling, state of mind, and phenomena.

eight. right concentration.
meditation.

snowshoeing glacier

2011-01-01T12:22:00.000-08:00

the day after christmas.
me and a bunch of fabulous misfits decided to go snowshoeing glacier.
amazing day.
its always nice to spend time with good friends OUTSIDE of the bar.

McDonald Creek

Kappa and his stoag

jami... wheres your wings girl

bye....

christmas

2011-01-01T12:18:00.000-08:00

christmas at the daigles. minus mama... we missed you.
calebs first christmas...

the crevisse

2011-01-01T11:28:00.000-08:00

over christmas break, i was handed the opportunity to go home, to eureka. my hometown. it was pretty incredible.
first night back, i went to an ugly sweater party. my first, hopefully not my last. it was a little surreal. a lotta funny. got to see ol peeps like juice...who sported a cobalt blue jnco sweater. he's the kind of friend that i can just look at the expression on his face and know exactly what he is thinking. lots of laughs...thats all we do, laugh at eachother.
then there's netzloff...we talked about music, his bands butter and wartime blues...
saw holt, the mexican jumping bean.
hung out with my cuz davey, as he sported a thick cardigan sweater, church pants (holey), and untied boots... the disheveled look to a tee. his girlfriend, sweet jenny haidle was there. she's a keeper.
lots of good people...oh-i was wearing an oversize blue sweatshirt with a snowman on the front and a birdhouse on the back.

after a few jagermeisters and jack and cokes, the evening was 'capped off'.

the next morning, the big plan was to go up trego to the crevisse to do some ice-climbing...

i was up for it...but after a long night of drinking, i wasn't sure if the plan would follow through.
sure enough, the next morning, holt the mexican jumping bean comes to pick me up and we are off.
he was rough. he was haggard looking. he was still drunk i am sure. but, armed with snowpants, vitamin water, and trail mix, we headed out.
gotta love following through, right?

about an hour into the drive, we make it. we stuff sierra nevadas into a camel back and into every pocket we can find and start the trek.

we traverse through streams, rocks, fallen logs, and ice to make it.

needless to say, it was worth it.

there was quite a crew out there. im talkin bad asses. i know i am in good hands with these guys.
meet wade.

wade is in his happy place doing dangerous things...such as ice-climbing, caving, jumping off things, etc. all the times i have hung out with wade have been extreme. last time with him, we went caving, dove into freezing waters, scaled cave walls, and surfaced numb and dirty. wade's good stuff.

matt...

matt is your quintessential bad ass. anybody that knows him knows that. and with all his badassesdness...he is a tailor. he handmade these gortex blue and black pants. looking closer, his craftsmanship is on point. this is without any type of formal class... pretty darn impressive.

and holt...

lots of energy. always smilin. down for a good time.

lovely savaiah

she's a funny lil bird. literally, she was petrified of climbing the ice or having her boyfriend ice climb where they are strapped in with ropes... yet she flys planes solo 20 thousand feet in the air.

here are some goodies....

my ex and his papa were there... we got along fabulously. it was a really beautiful day.

bilbo & co.

2011-01-01T10:12:00.000-08:00

forest flew up to see me... who knew forests could fly... fairly absurd.
we had an AMAZING time...i had to take him to dave's sushi so that we could indulge in the cheeseburger of sushi rolls, the Gobbler. crab, mango, avocado, cream cheese, tempura fattty roll, doused with sweet chili sauce.
we devoured these culinary godsends with pleasure...

that evening, equipped with my girlfriends recipe, i started dinner. black truffle spiced soy bean succotash over polenta, topped with chimichurri sauce.
in all honesty, it was apparent that it was my first time cooking this dish. the veggies were sad looking, the polenta wasn't quite cooked through...and the chimichurri sauce was a little too spicy. i banked on the 'thought that counts' with this one.

the following saturday was cold and snowy. fact.
i had planned a sleighride up bigsky, a first for both of us.

as we made our way to ranch 320, we saw 3 moose just off the road...

forest took the last one, at about 10 to 15 feet away. lil too close for comfort for me.

we turn into the ranch, a wee bit late (due to the moose sightings)... but we made it. i was happy to have my eskimo with me.

we met the ringleaders of our chariot...bill, bo, and co.

hopping in the sled, forest and i nestled in the very back...most definitly the best seats on the sled. draped with wool blankets and furry hoods, we started off. the night was clear, only days from a full moon, which cast tree shadows along the lit snowbanks.

it was nice. the air was fresh and clean. the romanticism 'cliche' of starlit sleighrides is verified in my book.

stopping for 'cowboy chili',

drinks,

and a warm campfire under the moonlight was also...very nice.

we soaked and sweat in the hot springs for a solid 2 hours afterwords

2010-12-07T19:39:00.000-08:00

heavy with grief, so weighted
that my head hangs
and shoulders sag.

what is so fair about this life...

montanan

2010-12-03T21:26:00.000-08:00

friday night, 10:30.
long day. i woke up early to find a foot of freshly fallen snow on the ground. after brushing the snow of my buick with a swifter...yes, thats right...i drove 15 miles to work, passing cars in the ditch.
my trusty steed did me well. my blue suede shoes.
after a good 10 hours of productivity, i came home and reshoveled my walkway with a mouth full of sunflower seeds.
inhaled my leftover phyllo dough spinich pie and headed to the Ellen theatre.
a christmas carol debuted tonight. my seat was E101, one of the better ones in that there was an empty space in front of me to stretch my feet...which i didn't utilize, but still nice. it was so sweet. great acting, heartwarming. giggles. laughter. and the ellen. the ellen is so beautiful in its vintage lore.
driving home, and a bit lonely...i tossed back and forth the idea of going out...but my sensibility took over the reins and i came home.
turned on the computer, checked to see if bozeman mag. had published my article...and alas, they did...including my first poem.
which goes something like this;

“We are here together you and I,
that feverish summer well’s run dry.
She came in hot and went out cold,
Teased you a bit just like fools gold.

Now you’re left with me, my friend
With any season, I will gladly contend.
Tell me, what is your hearts delight,
And please, by all means, be forthright.

Is it weaving through a bed of trees
Bouncing off powder on two skis?
Maybe you prefer to ride a board
Shredding through terrain unexplored.

Either way, if that’s your love,
These types of things that I speak of,
Take my frosty hand and follow me,
Bundle up tight, and lets go ski.”

made me smile.
because it is sprinkled with personal metaphors.

goodnight world.

alice

2010-12-01T12:02:00.000-08:00

lately i have been traversing old but familiar territory, in my mind, in search of dark places willing to host my extravagent pre-planned pity parties, complete with whine and cheese.

these wonderlandish perverbial 'tea parties' welcome many distressing thoughts.

inviting cruel, untrue, and potentially debilitating satirical prose.

this entourage of self-defeating mad hatters needs to be slowly yet assuredly jettisoned. So that this dark path and place in my mind slowly disappears leaving truth and light in its place.

chapters

2010-11-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

forest pulled away early this morning, his car loaded with all his bozeman possesions.
thats goodbye then.
and i turn the page...

406

2010-11-22T13:52:00.000-08:00

As winter wraps itself around our curvy natural state, we are compelled to accessorize with an arsenal of winter gear. Dusting off those sorels gives me an odd sense of pleasure, as if I am unholstering a life saving piece of integral warfare. Thermal underwear and socks are searched for in the bottoms of dressers and bins, and upon being found, proudly take their places as body armor. A flurry of hats, scarves, and mittens take the front lines, almost as if they are trying to confuse the stone-cold winter rival with a variety of shapes and colors.
In all honesty, regardless of how prepared we are for winter here in Montana, it is rather daunting at times. Making its way effortlessly past our militant layers of fabric, the frigid air still finds our ears and whispers. Putting a metaphorical rhyme to winters cool breath may sound something like this:

“We are here together you and I,
that feverish summer well’s run dry.
She came in hot and went out cold,
Teased you a bit just like fools gold.

Now you’re left with me, my friend
With any season, I will gladly contend.
Tell me, what is your hearts delight,
And please, by all means, be forthright.

Is it weaving through a bed of trees
Bouncing off powder on two skis?
Maybe you prefer to ride a board
Shredding through terrain unexplored.

Either way, if that’s your love,
These types of things that I speak of,
Take my frosty hand and follow me,
Bundle up tight, and lets go ski.”

Bozeman, as most of us already know, has built a nice fat repertoire when it comes to voluptuous hillsides of powder. Our credentials are popping at the seams with magazines gleaming of our nationally top-ranked ski terrain.
So, excuses being for the birds, I would suggest making the most out of this ski-tropolis that calls itself Bozeman. If you don’t ski, pick it up this year. There’s no time like the present, right? If you don’t drive, be a bum! Don’t feel bad either, because Bozeman was declared as being the “best place to go if you’re a ski bum” by Powder Magazine. If you are strapped for cash, make some necessary cut backs and save for a day of rosy cheeked shredding by checking out Bridger’s deals. You won’t be disappointed.
With all due respect, and unless you are a small child, lets keep those winter blues whines down to a small roar, shall we? I promise you that those sad nasal-pitched snivels are old news and taste just as bad as they sound. If you are seasonally affected, ahem, you my friend are in the wrong area code. With that being said, lets gear up for ski season, and find out for ourselves why we are ranked as one of the top ski towns in America.

Let me give you a run-down of all the nitty gritty morsels that you may want to chew on as the ski hills begin to open.

First up on Bozeman’s line of big triple threats is Bridger Bowl. Opening December 10th, lift ticket prices for adults are 39$/half day and 47$/full day. A standard season pass will run you $665 while a midday season pass comes in at $465. A couple deals to consider include the ten-time pass for $350 or look into MSU’s RIDE-ON card. This card is $30 and it allows you to ski all season for $39/full day and provides many discounted and free days throughout the season as well. The closest and most reasonably priced ski resort of the three, Bridger is a 16 mile drive Northeast of Bozeman. Check it out at www.bridgerbowl.com.

Next up to the plate is Big Sky Resort. Opening November 25th, lift ticket prices for adults are $55/full day through December 10. After the 10th, lift ticket prices for adults are $61/full day with valid MSU ID. A couple deals to consider is the Gold Direct-to-Lift Pass going for $899 for college students and the Frequent Sky Card for $139 which offers you 14 free days of skiing and $20 off the regular season window rate.
Ski 3800 acres, the most acres of rideable terrain you will find in the area. For more information, check out www.bigskyresort.com.

We also have our hidden gem, Moonlight Basin. Opening December 11th, lift ticket prices for college adults are $44/half day and $49/full day. College students can score a season pass for only $545. Shell out $450 if you can swing a mid day week pass! This resort will offer you beautiful uncrowded ski terrain. For more information, go to www.moonlightbasin.com.

For a season pass that combines both Big Sky and Moonlight into over 5,500 acres of downhill terrain, 27 combined lifts, and 220+ trails, take a look at the ‘Biggest Skiing in America’ ticket prices.

Its time to play, happy trails everyone!

ski-tropolis

2010-11-09T13:17:00.000-08:00

Well hello old man. Old Man Winter, that is. He’s back to stay it seems. I can tell by that twinkle in his eye that glares off of the early morning snowfall. By that thick coat of his that wraps itself around Bozeman’s contours. By that gnarly snow-white beard that gets longer every time I see him. Looks like our torrid little romance with the gorgeous Indian summer has finally reached its breaking point. She really was just a tease anyways.

So here we are, right smack dab in the middle of winter. Now, with all due respect, please spare us all of that whiny-pitched winter blues news. It’s old and tastes bitter. If you are seasonally affected, ahem, then you are in the wrong area code. But by all means, don’t just take my word for it. Lets take a look at what others have to say concerning Bozeman’s credentials, shall we?

The city of Bozeman was ranked in the November issue of Powder Magazine as ‘the number one place to live and ski.’ That’s nationwide. The article went on to say that ‘Bozeman is more affordable than Jackson Hole, less crowded than Salt Lake, and more of a real town then Whistler,’ making it the ‘best place to go if you’re going to be a ski bum.’

Outside Magazine ranked Bozeman among the “25 Dream Towns” and we came in #1 for the best skiing in the West. To land a spot as a dream town, a lot of areas were considered. Some of these include our bustling college campus, our forward-thinking community, our commitment to preserve the spectacular setting, our percentage of residents with a bachelor’s degree, cost of living, and our proximity to a gargantuan variety of outdoor activities.

To top off this sundae, Bozeman was also chosen by Skiing Magazine this year as ‘one of the top 10 ski towns in America.’

With that being said, I would suggest making the most out of this ski-tropolis that calls itself Bozeman. If you don’t ski, give it a go. If you don’t drive, be a bum. If you are a little strapped for cash, check out Bridger’s seasonal deals. There is no excuses ladies and gentlemen. Let me give you a run-down of all the nitty gritty morsels that you may want to chew on before the ski hills open.

First up on Bozeman’s line of big triple threats is Bridger Bowl. Opening December 10th, lift ticket prices for adults are 39$/half day and 47$/full day. A standard season pass will run you $665 while a midday season pass comes in at $465. A couple deals to consider include the ten-time pass for $350 or look into MSU’s RIDE-ON card. This card is $30 and it allows you to ski all season for $39/full day and provides many discounted and free days throughout the season as well. The closest and most reasonably priced ski resort of the three, Bridger is a 16 mile drive Northeast of Bozeman. Check it out at www.bridgerbowl.com.

Next up to the plate is Big Sky Resort. Opening November 25th, lift ticket prices for adults are $55/full day through December 10. After the 10th, lift ticket prices for adults are $61/full day with valid MSU ID. A couple deals to consider is the Gold Direct-to-Lift Pass going for $899 for college students and the Frequent Sky Card for $139 which offers you 14 free days of skiing and $20 off the regular season window rate. Ski 3800 acres, the most acres of rideable terrain you will find in the area. For more information, check out www.bigskyresort.com.

We also have our hidden gem, Moonlight Basin. Opening December 11th, lift ticket prices for college adults are $44/half day and $49/full day. College students can score a season pass for only $545. Shell out $450 if you can swing a mid day week pass! This resort will offer you beautiful uncrowded ski terrain. For more information, go to www.moonlightbasin.com.

For a season pass that combines both Big Sky and Moonlight into over 5,500 acres of downhill terrain, 27 combined lifts, and 220+ trails, take a look at the ‘Biggest Skiing in America’ ticket prices.

Its time to play, happy trails everyone!

final highlights

2010-11-06T10:14:00.000-07:00

days 13 through 18

okay, i failed in my attempt to remember everything that i did for the remainder of the daze of my trip....
so i will just squeeze in tid bits here and there of the highlights....
which gives you really the creme de la creme anyways...

after leaving lala land, we had one last visitor...

thats a ladybug....

destination: mesquite nevada....

on our way, we blinked and almost missed this tiny town...

we pull up to mesquite.
mesquite is a booming town right in the middle of the sage sprinkled desert.
this is home to forest, or at least one of many of the places he calls home.
he took me to his house...which conveniently was scorched by a fire shortly after forest came to bozeman. i say conveniently because forest has stayed in bozeman longer because of it.....

reconstruction junction inside

see...the bozeman forest is much different than the mesquite forest.
this one he built and lived in for awhile...then sold. not too shabby.

which rests comfortably by his parents place, which they also built...

in plain view of forests palm trees....

can't forget rocco, prissy, and toughie!

we went on a jeep ride up lime kiln with forests brother william... climbed in caves, went fast and took chances...

had stayed with forests no nonsense dad david and cora, betty crockers long lost cooking rival.

the following day was saturday, the day before halloween.
we dressed up and went to vegas....
but before we did that, we stopped by forests grandparents house, or more appropriately forests grandparents 'museum' just down the road.
again, grandpa deForest and grandson Forest were all business....

so i just pranced around taking photos....
and admiring their spectacular views....

and aunty mickeys place...naturally... :)

aww...vegas was big. first time there. we had to leave early the next a.m. so we just did the strip and came home.
packed, rested well.
drove almost 800 miles the following day...
and saw 4 rainbows...

this one was close! quite possibly the closEST ever. i spose the pot of gold was the waves of golden colored grain? was that corney? yes it was. and i feel jewed.

mikey b the flea

2010-10-26T14:46:00.000-07:00

day 12.
sunny.

this was officially our final night of camping.
i made snoqualamie pancakes and potatoes for breakfast...and sliced oranges.

our last morning at pismo beach...

i hit up a cafe called amor ami to do a bit of writing and rekindle my relationship with coffee. the owner, after learning i was in the photojournalism biz, brought me this.....perk after perk at this estab.

la bound.
my lala cherry was about to be popped and i was chomping at the bit.
the sun was out, in the 80's.
we rolled in at the perfect time, just beating traffic.
first stop-forests great aunt and uncle...
newell and rosemary alexander.
these two are in their 70's. but i would say teenagers at heart.
they have this great place in burbank, just over the hollywood hills.
their place is immaculate...
their bumper sticker says legalize...
their daughter, kelly was there. she went to school with anthony kiedis and flea from red hot chili peppers and said they were antisocial and total outcasts. mikey b the flea.
show business is their thing and they have appeared in numerous movies, commercials, radio shows...
it was pretty exciting, a far cry from my humble abode.
indian food on sunset paired with taj mahal beer.
after dinner, rosemary showed us forest's first audition tape...
oh, starry eyed forest. i totally get it now.

next stop, pasadena.
my girlfriend marissa was just finishing her school day and we were passing through, so naturally we were bound to meet up.
she suggested this place...which took us an hour to find...and was right around the corner.

and my ridiculously fabulous friend marissa...

this girl is totally amazing. she lives in long beach and started a homeless shelter, without a degree. after she plateaued here, she decided to go to school, get her degree in health and human development. now she is in the masters program in pasadena and was just approved on some 12 million dollar grant for some energy saving ideas for low income people. so, confident she didn't bite off more than she can chew, she is in the process of delegating, hiring, molding, and shaping this whole operation.....
i just love her.

stop 3 for the evening, san bernardino.
we stopped to see my baby cousin, leah.
she is so freakin adorable. albeit 24, i still remember her little divaliscious self with a head full of dreadies, disguised by an outer layer of brushed hair.
always the entertainer, leah.

i am so proud of her... just finished school with a bachelors in chemistry and ready for med school.

we showed up late, i met her little fluff ball dogs, and we stayed up and played the catch up game over a bottle of savignon blanc til 4 a.m.

good morning LEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

love you little girl.

pismo beach x 2

2010-10-26T14:38:00.001-07:00

day 11.
photos say it all...

forest spotted this...

check the guy out on the right..

rexasaurus...

doesn't like.

aaaand this sums up rex and i's ridiculously human like relationship. both pulling.

sweet camping spot right next to the beach...plum bbq sauce marinated shish ka bobs (thanks to forest's sister ANGIE!!!!) thank YOU ang, plum sauce was money...

pismo beach

2010-10-26T14:36:00.000-07:00

day 10.
we had been in a northern CA rainstorm for the past two days, so we were eager to see the coastline on a clear blue sunny day.

pismo beach. surfing town.
its coastline is LARGE and super clean. the rolling hills are seductive in their voluptuousness, dressed only in a clean line of colorful homes.

those simple pleasures that we take for granted (indoor heating, a bed, hot shower, etc) beckoned us loud and clear that night...so we stayed in edgewater motel and bypassed camping.

the town is cute.
lotta fish n chips joints.
lotta surfers.
lotta character.

we watched the vikings and packers square off that night in a local pub called hoagies. i had an asian salad, forest had a philly. plump grapes.

we soaked outside in a tub of hot water...turned into california raisens.

golden gate

2010-10-26T14:32:00.000-07:00

day 9.
highlights: golden gate bridge...
even tho the weather was all discombobulated.

we drove a long long long way, hugging close to the central califorian coastline.
found a nice camping spot....albeit in the rain...
and slept.

janny bear & co.

2010-10-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

day 8.

today was a day i had been anticipating.
my janny bear!
my godmother.

one of my mom's good highschool sacramento friends.
i named my first stuffed animal after this woman for goodness sake.

its strange because since i was a little girl, i have only seen jan 2 times. and each time it feels like we haven't skipped a beat.

the trip that morning had great scenery...
to my left...

and to my right...

and even one of these babies...

with the sun finally peeking out, we found our way to Wilton, which is a little town just south of sacramento.

we pulled up that morning and waited at the gate at the front of her driveway. it was so nice to be here. the sun was out despite the clouds best efforts.

jan has a swagger. she's in her fifties, but has a swagger. long silver and black hair falls just past her mid back. adorned in homeade jewelry. and always a smile and a twinkle in her eyes.

the next 12 or so hours was a buzz... 6 years of catch up. she introduced me to her 7 dogs; fancy, pepper, stormie rose, shane, shasta, cody, and... there was one more... and they all had full names, which i wrote down and apparently misplaced.

she spoke of sour diesel and silver haze.

how she doesn't like feeling 'wangy.'

she spoke of pam mann, the self-righteous, pierced, tattoed, tarot card dealing, human female bull dog, who apparently was debuting as a thorn in her side.

of mary youngblood.

of indian flutes, her jewelry...

dreams of red-tailed hawks, eagles, and white owls.

i was able to see her husband, Jim. Jim and Jan seem to be polar opposites, so their magnetism is right on. :) Jim may be one of the stronger willed people i have ever met, recovering from a long winded battle with cancer. after months of medical treatment (chemo, stem cell transplants, every side effect imagineable), he is recovering so beautifully. putting on weight, growing out his hair, and taking care of himself.

jim and jan

jeremy, jan's son came by for a bit. very much like family to me.

me, jere, jan

jan made us mouthwatering teriyaki chicken and mandarin salad that night...shared a peace pipe and i drank the ever lovin goodness out of several stoli screwdrivers...

oh, jan can talk too. i thought i was a chatty kathy. nope.
so we talked late into the night, which resumed early in the a.m., not skipping a beat.

we were sent off smiling after a pot of coffee, ham and hashbrowns....

Poppy-Ay

2010-10-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

day 7.
refreshed from the good night sleep, we threw back and forth the idea of staying in the redwoods for the morning or heading south. we decided to stay in the park and do some hiking.

Ah ~ Pah Interpretive Trail was our first stop, what seemed to be a nice long hike turned out to be overgrown...

so we took 'ossagon trail' to the coast, a nice 4 mile crescendo of a hike.

theres something about a crazy good hike that is completely rejuvenating. we took off down california 101, sippin hot cocoa, takin it all in.

the weather was not what we had hoped for, rainy and overcast. ahead of schedule, we decided to veer of 101 to highway 1, which continued down the coastline. we rode the edges of the pacific ocean for hours, hypothetically talking about what prime pieces of real estate we would buy...

night fell.
just north of sanfransisco, we took the windiest road i've ever been on. 45 miles at 20 miles an hour. we passed through too many wineries to count, the moist air brought out the smells of the thousands upon thousands of vines of grapes. i am pretty sure i daydreamed, or nightdreamed of being a winery heiress for a solid 2 hours.

forest drove the entire day, we were pretty spent. bedtime was upon us.
papier (poppy-ay) was what i called grape juice as a young child...

forests

2010-10-24T20:51:00.000-07:00

day 6.
we woke up early, grabbed a handful or so of granola for the road, and kept south on 101.
forest nabbed this one of southern oregon...

forest was SO excited to see the redwood forest, it was the topic of conversation for weeks prior, so the fact that we were getting close was kind of a big deal.

we drove through the forests, dwarfed by sequoias and redwoods, some 2000 years old.
guilty as charged for succumbing to the tourist traps...

we did alot of driving through the park for the next hour or two... and looked for campsites half-heartedly but as the night fell, we decided a motel was the ticket. we stopped, i cooked what was left of our vegetable beef concoction and paired it with fat turkey franks wrapped in grilled bread and topped with grilled onions and cherry tomatoes.

the showers were money. the food was money. but the t-v and half the lights fizzled out within the first hour. which was fine, cuz we were sleepy lil fat-bellied bugs.

oregon

2010-10-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

day 5.
before leaving our camp in southern washington, we took one last look at the beach only to find a rescue training session in full force.

we jumped on 101 South, feeling good. cape disappointment turned out to be a cathartic experience. rad.
we stopped in seaside oregon and both fell in love with the town and the beach...

cannon beach, our second favorite

there is those smiles.

next stop...tillamook...

as the sun set, we found ourselves near central oregon, in newport. we stopped and played.

101 is windy. thats so an understatement. it took us a very long time to travel short distances. we decided to drive on after sunset and made it to oregon dunes national recreation area 'ish'.
it was cold.
we were tired.
and so we starfished it. and slept well.

charts.

2010-10-24T09:28:00.000-07:00

day 4
it was a strange lil day. maybe intense would be a better descriptor.

the colorful array of human emotion spans the charts...sprinkled with hues like bright yellow to moody blue.
this day took residence on the moodier portion of the emotional color chart.

speaking of charts, if only i could chart the depths of my own personal psyche and where it takes me. i think i may drown if i dive that deep. but this particular day, there was some sort of unshakable sadness that nested itself in the crook of my shoulders. ahh, and so be it.

we made it to 101 and drove South to what is called cape disappointment. thats no metaphor. thats really the name of the park on the southern tip of washington that we stayed. gotta love that irony.

it was beautiful. and restorative.

rex thought so too.

hearts to my baby....

our first sunset

our campsite was pretty phenomenal, the best yet. we DID have raccoons, however, and they came out that night looking for food.

dinner consisted of fresh garden vegetables and freshly caught crab.

and that was that.

salty crabs

2010-10-23T14:43:00.000-07:00

day 3.
on the road again. our spirits were a little low, we were a bit on the edgy side, and quiet. salty little crabs we were.

our drive to seattle was flanked by pine trees, small lakes, and more pine trees. for a montanan, it was pretty underwhelming.

seattle crept up on us, followed by the salty crab filled ocean. forest and i felt right at home.

we boarded the ferry...

and floated along sequined waters...

to port townsend. a colorful victorianesque city, the kind made for postcards.

our destination was this hot springs campground in olympic national park, called sol duc hot springs. we pulled in with just enough sunlight left to set up shop.

our homeade vegetable and beef stew found a home in our bellies that evening.

now, at this point, after 3 full days of driving, our bodies had it out for us. soothing mineral water was the answer. we soaked for a good 2 hours. it was packed with russians. foriegners just look different. their noses, their skin, their body language, the whole shabang. i couldn't help but stare, like a puzzled but interested child.

after soaking and staring, it was back to the coleman mattress and marmot sleeping bags for us. we started a nice fire, carved a pumpkin with a third eye (thanks to forest), roasted some pumpkin seeds, and fell asleep.

the following morning our joints and muscles were feelin good so we took sol duc trailhead 4 miles to deer lake. it was a rugged rocky 8 miles of mushroom clad trail. it felt great to breathe in that oxygen rich air.

bog of eternal stench

2010-10-23T13:05:00.000-07:00

day 2 of our travels.
we one-wayed it out of sandpoint with our sights set on mount baker in washington. the drive was a bit windy and took us through high elevation mountainous national parks.

this particular drive turned out to be fairly uneventful with the exception of a small apple stand that we stopped at which delivered the largest, juiciest, and sweetest apples that forest and i had ever tasted.

we came up to mount baker later in the evening as the temperatures dropped a bit. it was damp and cold. We found a spot in the park nestled at baker lake, at the foot of the mountain. at this point, it was too dark out to see much scenery but we were tired and hungry....so we made it camp for the night. with feet and hand warmers stuffed in our socks and gloves, lit by headlamps and lanterns, we managed to still make a pretty incredible 'coleman style' dinner. forest threw together his creole shrimp and i roasted a batch of colorful veggies...quite possibly the highlight of this particular night.

we shivered all night.
i woke up on the wrong side of bed because of it. just a foul mood.
looking out in the distance, we noticed that this little lake front campsite we pulled into was no more than a muddy graveyard of trees.

it reminded me of the bog out of the labyrinth... serious yuck.

void of much life. damp. foggy. foul.

needless to say, we wanted to peace out as soon as possible. so after a nice long run to get our blood flowin, we bounced.

sarah, angie, and andy

2010-10-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

as i write this blog, i am in northern california. driving through the redwood national forest....looking for sweet coastal bluff trail heads with my boyfriend forest.

this particular blog, however, i am taking you back to day 1 of our travels.

the big FIRST day of our journey came creeping up on us, slowly at first then nipping us in the butt... we were prepared. everything from homeade vegetable soup to spanking new gear. even a whistle. thats right, we have brought a whistle. its silver with a yellow string.

we slept in on our day of departure. mosied about, took our time. we packed everything in forests nissan but the the kitchen sink. we even brought a pumpkin, which we managed to squeeze somewhere in between loads of pillows, dry food, and bongo drums.

the sun held our hands for several hours as we drove to sandpoint, Idaho. This little town is sprinkled with people i am fond of. family and friends.

i called miss angie ragland, my beautiful friend/sister/cousin/whatever you wanna call her. and she just so happened to be up in the woods at Andy Anderson's house, another long time old friend of mine. It had been about 15 years since i had seen Andy actually and he is still as adorable as i remember him, only with carharts, a wife, and facial hair now. We sat next to the campfire, swapped stories of old, laughed, played guitar, sipped on sierra nevada and angie's economy size bottle of white zinfandel.

Sarah Shaffer, my other ethereal Sandpoint cousin graced our presence shortly after forest and i showed up. yes, sweet miss sarah, who has been blessed with the most contagious laugh of anyone i have ever met. sarah, just like when we were kids, was the source of tall tales and witty quips. so there we were, around a roaring campfire, sarah romanticizing stories of the past, leaving us all in stitches.

beautiful night. but we were sooo tired. we stayed at sarah's triangle house that night and got a great night sleep.

the next morning, i made my way downstairs to find sarah dehydrating freshly picked plums.

her floor was covered in harvested tomatoes and peppers. the grape tomatoes were the sweetest ever. yum!

over a cup of jo, we crammed in 6 years of catch up into one morning. forest made us breakfast with sarah's fresh chicken eggs and tomatoes.

i wasn't ready to leave. i could have stayed much much longer. but i will take sarah in whatever capacity i am able. left with plenty of love and a tote plum full of tomatoes and peppers.

lexi and rosie

2010-09-27T18:05:00.000-07:00

meet rosie

and lexi

these girls love the camera...and the camera, needless to say, loves them.
originally our plans were to meet at 9 a.m. sunday morning, bright eyed and bushy tailed for a fun photo shoot.
Around 11ish, coffee in hand, we got the ball rolling. 'we' being myself, forest (rosie's uncle), rosie, and lexi. forest helped me out with the girls and took some great shots as well! we started at the notorious east end of town. the old mill district. blighted bozeman. we also went to bogart park and skipped around downtown. the girls picked out white dresses, white tops and jean skirts. the contrast was perfect against the graffiti background.

heres some of my favorites...

we all kinda lost the skip in our step after 3 hours or so and called it quits....
overall, a sunday well spent. its my turn next. :)

spanish peaks

2010-09-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

wow. my tailbone hurts. my whole body aches. i feel like ali's punching bag. but it was worth it for views like this.

22 miles roundtrip. approximately 4000 feet vertical climb. 10 hours.
breathtaking.

7 miles in to mirror lake...blue skies, fresh mountain air. delectable.

123. jump!

still bustling with untapped energy, we forge ahead... the freshly snowcapped peaks beckoning us to come get a closer look...

almost there, 6 hours and 11 miles into it... jerky break.

and finally, after multiple sightings of fresh bear and mountain goat scat as well as potential cat tracks.... we make it. bear canyon trail to the ridge.

and bask

view over the ridge

and now, because i feel like i had a scuffle with the mob... i am off to make like gumby and get stretched out at bikrams....

glacier park

2010-09-02T14:44:00.001-07:00

in an ideal world, i would be actually working. but, once again, i have drifted away from that nasty 'workzone place' into my delicious little 'personal productive zone'....which right now is blogging.

i had the opportunity to visit one of the places i call home a few weekends back, the flathead valley. forest, who is my friend/boyfriend/compadre/male-counterpart/travel-buddy/muse/mystery-man..... joined me! oh and his little dog too...REX. sigh. rex and i have a very tumultuous relationship. i have never had such torrid little 'feelings' towards a dog....

glacier park.

love.

it had been several years since i had last been to glacier and it was forests first. the first day, we chose avalanche lake as our destination. we headed up through the lush forests on a groomed walkway, with rex in tow. Yes, we did see a sign babbling something along the lines of no dogs. but i think we blinked? yea, thats what happened.
the only sign we really paid attention to was this one...

halfway up the trail, we met a forest ranger. he made us walk down. with rex. damn. all of our tails between our legs.

we decided to head BACK up the trail...legal this time.

avalanche lake

it rained hard and we took cover under large pine trees...when the rain didnt let up, we decided to keep going. as forest and i spoke of more appropriate hiking apparell, we passed people slopping through the mud in flip flops and short sleeved shirts...

we continued driving up the 'road to the sun' and were tantalized by everything we saw.

saint mary's lake

we finally found a spot! in grizzly country. surrounded by service berries, which happened to be BFF with the tastebuds of grizzly bears.

we camped in the middle of around 100 campers or so....so, how many licks does it take to get to the center? enough to where we felt safe and sound in the center.
okay, thats an exaggeration. we slept on a pebbly grade and were cold all night long. forest may have gotten the brunt of it, sleeping squished in between rex, i, and a rock posing as a thermarest.

the next day brought us looming clouds and whistling breezes. but no rain. we had pancakes and eggs in the glacial mountains and chatted about prospective weather.

Logan Pass was gorgeous. there was some sort of electricity in the air, the scents playing hide and seek in our nostrils.

we saw mountain goats and big horn sheep on their perks... probably looking down at us with the same sort of wonderment. we found hidden lake too!

hidden lake

on our drive home, we both memorable endulged in this decadent huckleberry chocolate bar from the heavens. it really was only fair, seeings how our other senses had been given the star treatment that day.

2010-07-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

i can and i will.

slug bug

2010-07-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

sometimes i just sit and stare at my computer screen, wondering what, amidst the unanimous topics of potential interest, i should write about. so heree goes...
i sit here in my 29.99 black cushy office chair, which is very comfortable for the price i might add. I think i got a great deal on it. but, with that being said, most of my hodge podge furniture is from craigs list, which i scored at alarmingly amazing deals. like this desk i am writing on. free.
anyways, currently i am in the throes of illness. what started as a little head cold has crept its way down my throat, past my tonsils, high-fived my uvula and has made itself at home in my lungs. this bug i have, has not been invited and is really outstaying its welcome. so, bringing in the arsenal, i have been trying to wash it out of my system with teas, tinchers, theraflu, multi-vitamins, pain relievers, garlic, sudafed, hot peppers, apple cider vinegar, water, gatorade, emergenC, rest, honey, lemon, vitamin C, steam rooms, and pots of steaming water...., new toothbrush, clean sheets, fresh air, sun, sweating it out...hot baths, fresh flowers, avoidance of ALL harmful substances (ahem...does a whole box of dove coffee ice cream bars count?), incense, candles, great movies and not so great movies...chicken noodle soup, AND straight chicken broth.... yet, the bug remains. lodged.
i know my immunities have a black belt, because i haven't had so much as a head cold in 2 years.... so i suppose, i should just let this buggly run its course, while i endure the gamut of side effects. must just be due time.

highschool graduation shoot

2010-06-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

good morning everyone!

i had the opportunity, oh wait, no, i paid for this workshop specializing in senior photography. doug loneman and his assistant, tomas, hosted the all day affair. it was amazing. we had two senior models, quinn and don. quinn was a sassy little dancer with animation exuberating out of every pore. don, her boyfriend...was a trooper. we did some studio shooting and we headed out to the east side of town, to the old mill district....
these photos have yet to be retouched... enjoy

mock wedding shoot

2010-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

goooood morning everyone!

the comforting sounds of ella fitzgerald paired with an aroma of yellowstone coffee is just what the doctor ordered this friday morning.
today stretches out before me like a carefree yogi...even the sun is out. mojo all around.

i had the opportunity last week to be apart of a workshop hosted by lauren brown and larry stanley. the blubird ladies flew in, as did kelsey and I...the assistants? i wouldn't exactly say i was an assistant, truthfully. more like a sponge...just call me bob.

it was an opportunity for all of us to shoot a mock wedding. a couple volunteered as well as a makeup artist to set the stage. it was so much fun and i learned a ton.

these photos haven't been retouched in anyway, raw and real....

whistlin kettle

2010-05-20T09:49:00.000-07:00

Earth's crammed with heaven,
And every common bush afire with God,
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

they say that those that really piss us off are our greatest teachers.
whoever "they" is, is a mystery to me, but i think "they" are onto something.

i naturally am fiery. Fiery in that i have the propensity to heat up quickly. This fire inside of me needs to be managed regularly, so that it doesn't get out of control and cause serious damage. I am not talking about me being volatile, persay. i am not. i feel i am a levelheaded person, who weighs actions and reactions to situations with consideration. Where my flames start to flicker is when there is blatent and repeated disrespect for an undeserving person. to be so disenchanted with human emotion and feeling, to bully someone in order to feed the ego, to push down in order to feel bigger. these types of things fan my flames. to the point where i wouldn't even be suprised if steam visibly poured out of every orifice of my body.

so, with that being said, i understand the importance of bringing peace into every situation. remembering that fighting fire with fire is like a game of the egos. and nobody wins that game. egos are constantly comparing, evaluating, judging,criticizing, measuring...nobody should have to perform to anyone else's standards in order to be loved and appreciated and respected. we are all loved unconditionally, regardless if we win at the egoic chess game of life.

ego. i refuse to invest my energy and fiery passion into ego, which is a creation of our minds anyways. its not even real, unless we breathe life into it. unless we breathe on the coals...its a lose lose situation. i expend my precious energy and am depleted spiritually by giving life to a phantom creation of our minds. what sense does that make? its crazy. to interact and be co-dependent with an invented phenomenon, ego.

last nights events prompted this post. i practiced patience throughout the course of the evening, being whiplashed repeatedly by a person who is ruled by their ego. and finally, i reacted. my kettle whistled. i have been practicing patience with this person since the day i met him. it just so happens that this person is wedged in between a great friend and myself and so our meetings are inevitable. for the sake of peace, i have been very kind and very forgiving. i have went out of my way, in an attempt to somehow alleviate this tension between us. all my intentions, unfortunately have continuouly been ill recieved, with complete disregard to me, my voice, or anything representing who i am.
last night, in hindsight, i should have just left early on in the evening, not subjecting myself to cruel intentions. i should have not let my ego be offended...seings that i have tried to kick ego and all its baggage out of my life for awhile now.
i suppose that all i can do at this point is be thankful for the lessons that i am taught by this person. taught that i can bumble through life, playing these trivial mind games, throwing flames, and consequently losing myself and my spiritual connection to God. Or, i can harness my energy and maintain my glow just enough to radiate enough heat to warm hands and toast marshmellows.

stronghold

2010-05-17T20:21:00.001-07:00

so, i had the opportunity to talk to these guys today....

meet pat wolfe and whit magro, owners of stronghold fabrication in bozeman.

pat and whit are the brawn behind the brains of the boulder initiative... they take a design and shapeshift rebar and stucco lathe...

like this....

and then slap about 3 inches of eggshell concrete onto the lathe, haul it to a prime location (in this case the bozeman pond).... and voila....

oh yeah, they are both really really really good at climbing too. heres pat in patagonia....

and whit somewhere... high.

needless to say, these guys rock.
and the community benefits in a big way.

girls just wanna...

2010-05-16T13:10:00.000-07:00

fabulous saturday. two girlfriends and i saddled up into the sunshine and took off for the day.
we started off at drinking horse trail, one i had yet to hike.
it was a nice gradual trail, leading us to some spectacular views of the bozeman area.

we monkey'd around a bit, climbing rocks and we even found becky's old house of sticks! this is where she comes and stays when she needs time away from her boyfriend, just to get away....

we soaked up the views, the rays, and the fresh mountain air...
breaaattthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhe. awww..........................
okay, lunchtime!

our friend was having a bbq, so we bumbled in, with signs of the suns love nips evident on our shoulders and faces.

we were craving light sushi over grilled beef, so we opted for Dave's sushi, right next door.

circumbscribed by a variety of fun things to do, we opted to say hi to our rugby friends downunda at colonel blacks. We kiss the sun goodbye momentarily, as we tread down into white rabbit hole. we find a full on rugby court session in progress... rugby court is an excuse for the rugby team to drink, really. everyplayer is on trial for something that they did over the season, and their punishment? drinking and eating onions.... ugh. so gross.

the rookies had it the worst i do believe.

apparently the girls and i missed the invisible "no girls allowed" sign on the door... and so we each did a shot as well...

surfacing from the black abyss called colonel, we collectively decide to drive to Helena to watch our friend in a kickboxing match! road trip!

we showed up to the Lewis and Clark County Fairgrounds early, to see that there was also a carnival in full swing....
zooming right ahead, we were, inertia intact.

okay scott, lets see what ya got!

besides really male looking feet....

great fight, scott won hands down....with one hand up in this case...

with morale up and giggles free'd, our dispositions ameliorated like a vine in summertime.

the day was far from over. as the sun set, casting soft pinks and oranges over the horizon, we headed for the carnival.
naturally, we participated in pre ride cliche carny things... like pat winning his girl a really awful looking picture frame by dart balloon popping. i had to have a caramel apple, which was delicious, and shared amoung the seven of us.

our first ride was the kamikazee, in which i lost my voice box. too much fun...ridiCULOUS amounts of fun... i always think that the rides will keep going, with the mechanical aspect spontaneously shorting out.... but that never happens.

our second, we all piled into seats side by side, looking out over the carnival lights. we all held hands, rocking slowly, gaining momentum...until we are launching in continuous circles.... i heard the frog in my throat ribbit a few times.

we really were kids, we were seven twenty-something year old kids.

at this point in the night, our bellies were pleading with us to feed them... so we circle around helena in an attempt to find a nice restaurant that was still open past nine. To no avail, we ate at burger king. the best whopper i have had.

and one of the best saturdays.

mindfulness based stress reduction

2010-05-05T15:13:00.000-07:00

The Effects of Mindfulness Training on Individuals With
Depression and Coronary Heart Disease
Julia R. Daigle
Montana State University

Abstract
Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) has been slowly popularized as an alternative approach to standard health care since 1979. The primary intention of MBSR was to effectively train medical patients in the practice of mindfulness meditation and of its immediate applications to stress, pain, and illness (Kabat Zin, 2003). While most agree that the issue deserves attention, health care professionals continue to question the effectiveness of mindfulness and its necessity as a main staple of health care. In the present study, 48 participants who had been diagnosed with depression or Coronary Heart Disease (CHD) underwent a 6 month long program involving MBSR treatment. Participants who were diagnosed with CHD and depression were measured pre and post treatment and compared to a control group of participants to compare effects of the mindfulness based treatment program. Results show a significant decrease in depression as well as significantly moderated blood pressure levels post treatment in both psychological and physiological participants. This evidence suggests an integrative relationship of mind and body, in that our psychological well-being promotes healthier mental and physical states. With growing evidence of data suggesting the health benefits of MBSR, it is suggested to implement these mindfulness based treatments into the mainstream; in everyday living as well as an active allegiance of our health care system.

The Effects of Mindfulness Training on Individuals With
Depression and Coronary Heart Disease
What is a possible definition of optimal mental health? How could a practice promoting optimal mental health affect the functional processes of our bodies, both psychologically and physiologically? Many philosophical, spiritual, and psychological traditions emphasize the importance of the quality of consciousness for the maintenance and enhancement of well-being (Wilber, 2000). One attribute of consciousness that has been discussed in relation to well-being is mindfulness, which has to do with particular qualities of attention and awareness that can be cultivated and developed through meditation. Historically, mindfulness has been called “the heart” of Buddhist meditation (Thera, 1962). Without sustained and disciplined inner attention, it is almost impossible to discover, enter, or abide into this absolute ground of steady awareness. One practice that has the potential to bridge this gap is referred to as Mind Body Stress Reduction (MBSR), developed in 1979 as a training vehicle for the relief of suffering, both mentally and physically. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of MBSR, has largely dedicated his life work to bringing mindfulness into the mainstream of medicine and society. The primary intention of MBSR was to effectively train medical patients in the practice of mindfulness meditation and of its immediate applications to stress, pain, and illness that people were grappling with in their lives (Kabat-Zinn, 2003). In this study, I am implementing Kabat-Zinns’ techniques to individuals with either depression, Coronary Heart Disease (CHD), or a combination of both. By implementing this mindfulness based treatment program on participants with one of these diseases, I expect to find a decrease in reports that measure depression levels as well as blood pressure levels of these participants, respective to their chief complaints at the end of the treatment program.
The elements that comprise ‘optimal mental health’ are composed of all of the characteristics that embody well-being, or happiness. Happiness is a multi-faceted phenomenon, with innumerable signs and symptoms that represent a sort of freedom from the mind. It can be thought of as a release from the pressures, restrictions, and disfiguring illusions that the mind has a capacity to bestow. Happiness is merely an emotion, stemming from the constant perceptual motion of the brain. The mind—a manifest functioning of the brain—and the other body systems interact in ways critical for health, illness, and well-being (Ray, 2004). It is believed that there are four interacting information-processing systems in human existence: the mind (the functioning of the brain), the endocrine system, the nervous system, and the immune system (Maier et al, 1994). These four systems are believed to continually communicate with each other, with the science and paradigm of health incorporating all of these systems representing the developing field of psychoneuroimmunology. This field has been critical in clarifying how these systems interact to ensure health by promoting treatment programs that aid the process of endogenous health, and thereby fighting disease. Siegal (2009) says that integration, or the linkage of differentiated parts has the promise of being a scientifically grounded view that allows us to link each of the domains from mindfulness to mental health to secure attachment to brain function.
The Biomedical Model has been the predominant model used by physicians
in determining disease since the mid nineteenth century. The model’s focus is on physical processes such as pathology, biochemistry, and the physiology of disease, but does not account for social factors or patient subjectivity. The Biopsychosocial Model is an approach that postulates that biological, psychological, and social factors are all integral in human functioning when concerning disease. Psychological and social factors are thought to influence disease processes via two main mechanisms: psychosocial processes and health behaviors. Psychosocial processes are important because they include factors that affect the interpretations of and responses to life events and stressors, such as mental health, mood factors, personality characteristics, and resources such as social relationships (Lutgendorf, 2003). Psychoneuroimmunology provides an understanding of some of the fundamental mechanisms involved in this Biopsychosocial Model. Fundamental to understanding the biopsychosocial approach is an awareness that three of the systems—nervous, endocrine, immune (mentioned above) —have receptors on critical cells that can receive information (via messenger molecules) from each of the other systems (Dantzer, 2001; Raison et al, 2001; Trautmann et al, 2001). Our thoughts, our feelings, our beliefs, and our hopes are nothing more than chemical and electrical activity existing in the nerve cells of our brains. It is true that as experience changes our brains and thoughts, that is, changes our minds, we are changing our biology (Ray, 2004). From the biopsychosocial perspective, the mind is considered one activity of the brain, and this activity of the brain is believed to be the body’s first line of defense against illness, against aging, against death, and is consequently crucial for health and well-being (Ray, 2004).
Concerning practices that encourage healthy activity of the brain, mindfulness is
the cornerstone of MBSR. The MBSR program was designed to be long enough for participants to grasp the principles of self-regulation through mindfulness and to develop skills and autonomy in mindfulness practice. Mindful awareness has been demonstrated to alter brain function, mental activity, and interpersonal relationships toward well-being (Siegel, 2009). Mindfulness is an ‘internal attunement’ that catalyzes the fundamental process of integration. Integration, or the linkage of differentiated elements of a system, leads to the flexible, adaptive, and coherent flow of energy and information in the brain, the mind, and other relationships (Siegal, 2009). Mindfulness is not merely a good idea such that, upon hearing about it, one can immediately decide to live in the present moment, with the promise of reduced anxiety and depression and heightened performance and life satisfaction, and then instantly and reliably realize that state of being. Rather, it is more akin to an art form that one develops over time, one that is greatly enhanced through regular disciplined practice, both formally and informally, on a daily basis (Kabat-Zin, 2003). MBSR is designed to enhance health in physiological, psychological, as well as social domains. Concerning physiological applications, meditational training has been shown to positively effect a range of autonomic physiological processes, such as lowering blood pressure and reducing overall arousal and emotional reactivity (Mindful Living, n.d.). Psychologically speaking, it appears that self-reported mindfulness increases with the amount of formal home mindfulness practice that participants report doing and that these increases in mindfulness appear to mediate increases in well-being (Carmody & Baer, 2008; Lau et al., 2006). With MBSR, there is a modification of emotional regulation abilities that are believed to aid in social interactions. One study found improvement in patients with generalized social anxiety disorder on mood, functionality, and quality of life with an 8-week MBSR program (Goldin, P., 2010).
Although past studies have shown the relationship between mindfulness practices and disease, there are many implications to expand this research, to provide additional empirical data. Psychosomatic approaches can be better integrated into clinical practice by the inclusion of somatic awareness as a form of tacit knowing. Somatic awareness involves directing a patient’s attention to interoceptive or body experience and associated feelings for the purpose of self-healing and achieving health (Bakal, 2006). The use of this healing heuristic in primary care would advance the understanding of how the body self-heals (Bakal, 2008). In comparing a regimented, long-term treatment program geared to promote well-being in both physiological and psychological patients, with a control group suffering from the same disorder, I hope to exemplify effects of mindfulness training. The MBSR techniques that I am implementing also showcase the participant’s willingness to engage in proposed mindful techniques, providing for autonomous and self-determined behavior. With a 6-month time frame of habitual MBSR training, I predict that the participants will embody proposed techniques, which will positively affect both psychological and physiological measures. Psychologically, my predictions are that both males and females will report lower levels of depression after treatment and physiologically, I predict that both males and females will report moderated levels of blood pressure after treatment. I also predict that there will be no difference in men and women’s scores of effectiveness of treatment, despite the nature of the disorder. Although MBSR has been shown to reduce symptoms of depression and CHD, there has been limited studies involving treatment programs that last longer than 8 weeks. With my 6- month treatment regimen, I would have the opportunity to explore the long-term effects of MBSR. In addition, I have the opportunity to compare MBSR and its effectiveness between the groups of patients with depression as well as with patients with CHD for an extended period of time.
Method
Participants
A total of 48 individuals (24 female and 24 male) from Bozeman, MT participated in this experiment. All individuals responded to an advertisement that was posted in the local Bozeman newspaper. The advertisement stated that a local health facility was interested in doing a study in which the participant’s blood pressure and depression levels were measured to assess effects of current physician prescribed medication. The advertisement did not mention MBSR as an alternative treatment in the study. The advertisement requirements were for those suffering from conditions of depression or CHD, and had been taking their respective medications for more than one year. Only the first participants to respond to the advertisement that met the proposed criteria were used. Of the respondent’s, 24 individuals were chosen (12 female and 12 male) from the CHD condition and 24 individuals from the depressed condition, to participate in the study. The chosen participants had been taking prescribed medication for over a year, did not smoke, and engaged in relatively healthy lifestyle habits (i.e. proper diet, exercise, and limited alcohol consumption). The participants ranged in age from 24 to 64. Race, SES, and sexual orientation were not perceived to confound results and were omitted from participant criteria. In order to enhance autonomy and client care, each participant was asked to sign a consent form, which provided a debriefing of the research project and all of the necessary requirements that would be needed. The individuals were motivated to participate in the study on the subjective basis that their current treatment program was insufficient in alleviating symptoms of their current disease and were interested in alternative perspectives.
Materials
A health facility was used in order to take base measurements prior to and following the treatment program. All 48 participants had their blood pressure taken, using a sphygmomanometer by a volunteer medical professional. Several measures were taken over a two-day period prior to the beginning of the experiment and over a two-day period following the experiment. To detect, assess, and monitor changes in depressive symptoms, the long form of the Becks Depression Inventory (BDI) was administered by a trained professional one day before the experiment began and one day following the experiment. Individual questions of the BDI assess mood, pessimism, sense of failure, self-dissatisfaction, guilt, punishment, self-dislike, self-accusation, suicidal ideas, crying, irritability, social withdrawal, body image, work difficulties, insomnia, fatigue, appetite, weight loss, bodily preoccupation, and loss of libido. Items 1 to 13 assess symptoms that are psychological in nature, while items 14 to 21 assess more physical symptoms. The breakdown of the BDI in terms of diagnosing the individual with ranges of depression differs from a healthy individual and an individual diagnosed with depression. If the individual has not been previously diagnosed with depression, a score of over 21 is considered depressed. If the individual has been previously diagnosed with depression, then the breakdown is as follows: 0-9 is minimal depression, 10-16 is mild, 17-29 is moderate, and 30-63 is severe. The BDI has been shown to be valid and reliable, with results corresponding to clinician ratings of depression in more than 90% of all cases (Beck et al, 1984). I will be evaluating the groups (depression and CHD) mean scores within the BDI, not individual subscores. A yoga studio was used to facilitate MBSR training once a week, facilitated by a trained professional. This studio was also made availabe for practice at the participant’s convenience.
Design
This experiment used a randomized complete block design. The independent variables include the nature of the disorder and the treatment involved (experimental vs. control). Gender was a quasi-independent variable. The dependent measures were the self report BDI and blood pressure measurements, taken both pre and post treatment.
12 participants from each block (depression and CHD) were randomly assigned to a control group by a random number generator. All participants were instructed to continue their use of current physician-prescribed medications. The 24 participants in the treatment group received weekly MBSR training as a treatment. The 24 participants in the control group came in for the BDI and blood pressure measurements prior to the experiment to establish a baseline and were not told of the MBSR treatment that was administered to the experimental group. The control group was instructed to continue their current daily regimens and to return in 6 months at the end of the experiment to be seen again for both BDI and blood pressure measurements.
Procedure
The 24 participants in each condition (depression and CHD) were randomly assigned to be in either the control group or the treatment group, with the restriction that there would be 12 males and 12 females in each condition. All 48 participants were instructed to meet at the designated health facility at 9:00 a.m. for baseline measurements two days before the experiment began. All 48 participants received a consent form to review and sign. The participants were split into two groups according to the nature of their disorder; and by either control or treatment groups. The participants in the control group were told they were a part of a research project incorporating psychological and physiological measurements. They were not told of the mindfulness treatments facilitated to the other 24 participants, only that they were taking part in the study depicting their progress with their current medications. They were instructed to continue their daily regimen and to continue taking their physician prescribed medications. Blood pressure was taken by a volunteer trained professional at the times of 9 a.m, 1 p.m., and 5 p.m. The participants were instructed to return the following day to repeat blood pressure measurements, taken at the same times. In addition, these participants filled out the BDI form. The 6 blood pressure measurements taken from the combined two days were averaged and recorded. The participants were also asked to resume their daily regimen and to return in a period of 6 months to repeat the blood pressure and BDI measurements.
The participants in the treatment group were told that they were a part of a research project incorporating MBSR techniques that had the capacity to alleviate signs and symptoms of their disorder. The same protocol was then administered to each subject within the treatment group; with blood pressure and BDI measurements taken. These measurements of averaged blood pressure and completed BDI forms were then collected and recorderd, serving as baseline data. Each participant was instructed to attend a MBSR training practice held at the designated yoga studio every Monday from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. for a 6 month period of time. These practices were guided by a trained professional, who employed strategies on mindfulness. The training practices served to teach the participants techniques affiliated with mindfulness and stress reduction, meditation, and the referral of yoga and tai chi practices. The MBSR training asked participants to draw on their inner resources and natural capacity to actively engage in caring for themselves and in finding greater balance and peace of mind. The training focused on cultivating a different relationship between the participants and naturally occurring events that may challenge them in their life, and to rely completely upon the tools they already had. Specifically, MBSR focused on accessing the ability to be non-judgmental, compassionate, patient, present and aware. Participants were trained to incorporate a healthy diet into their lifestyle, to engage in healthy activities, and to surround themselves with a supportive social group. Activities that were encouraged include yoga, tai chi, journaling, and off-site daily meditations. The only requirement asked from the participants was the weekly attendance to the MBSR training practices. The lifestyles that were encouraged by these practices were up to the participants to partake in, which provided healthy options for autonomous behavior. After 6 months of treatment, the particpants from the treatment group were asked to complete another BDI form and blood pressures were also taken again at the same times, averaged and recorded.
At the end of the experiment, participants were thanked for their participation and
were instructed not to discuss the case with anyone else. They were also informed that

within two weeks they could contact the experimenter to receive a detailed explanation of

the research project. Participants in the control group were given the option to partake in

an 8 week long MBSR treatment program solely because the true nature of the study had

been kept from them.

Results
The participants data was scored based on two dependent variables, measured pre and post treatment. The first dependent variable recorded was the subjects systolic blood pressure, and the second dependent variable was the subjects level of depression, by means of BDI. Independent variables include gender, nature of the disorder, and the application of MBSR treatment.
Four (2 by 4) ANOVA’s were used to identify main effects and significant interactions. For repeated measures, scores were analyzed using one way ANOVA’s to assess whether the groups changed in different ways over time. Post hoc tests were used to identify the relationship between all of the groups changed scores. It will be recalled that both males and females are expected to report lower levels of depression and moderated measures of blood pressure after treatment. In addition, it is expected that both males and females (both depressed and those with CHD) will report equal effects of treatment. As tables 1, 2, 3, and 4 reveal, males and females did, in fact, report lower levels of depression and moderated blood pressures after treatment, with table 1 showing that depressed males reported lower levels of depression after treatment, when compared to depressed females, which was an unexpected result.
As shown in table 1, an analysis of gender showed a main effect, where collectively males and females in the treatment group reported lower levels of depression post treatment (15) when compared to pre treatment (37.5). As shown in figure 1, there is a 3 way interaction of gender, time of test (pre vs. post) and treatment, such that the time of test has a greater effect for the treatment group then the control group, especially for males.
As shown in table 2, an analysis of gender showed a main effect, where collectively males and females in the treatment group showed moderated levels of blood pressure post treatment (119.5) when compared to pre treatment (174.5). As shown in figure 2, there is a significant interaction of time of test (pre vs. post) and treatment, such that the time of test has a greater effect for the treatment group then the control group.
As shown in table 3, an analysis of gender showed a main effect, where collectively males and females in the treatment group reported lower levels of depression post treatment (9.5) when compared to pre treatment (30.5). As shown in figure 3, there is a significant interaction of time of test (pre vs. post) and treatment, such that the time of test has a greater effect for the treatment group then the control group.
As shown in table 4, an analysis of gender showed a main effect, where collectively males and females in the treatment group showed moderated levels of blood pressure post treatment (120) when compared to pre treatment (195). As shown in figure 4, there is a significant interaction of time of test (pre vs. post) and treatment, such that the time of test has a greater effect for the treatment group then the control group.
Thus, the hypothesis that MBSR practices are effective in both males and females regardless of the nature of the disorder, appears to receive strong support. In addition, there is support that males report lower depression levels than woman after treatment, regardless of their disorder, which will be discussed below.
All participants responded positively to the MBSR program, with figures 1 and 3 showing that males in general reported lower levels of depression before and after treatment when compared to women. Figures 2 and 4 show that all participants, regardless of gender, attained a healthy blood pressure after treatment. In comparing treatment effect of depression with CHD, the data suggests that MBSR is effective on participants with one or both of the disorders.
Discussion

Results were indicative of MBSR being a valid alternative treatment for achieving a healthier mind state as well as a healthier physical state. Concerning participants suffering from depression, those that reported the largest decrease in BDI were those participants that underwent MBSR for a 6 month period of time, as expected. Of these participants in the treatment group, males reported less depression after treatment than women, which was not predicted. The decreased levels of BDI and blood pressure measurements in the treatment groups show that the particpants were able to embody the treatments necessary and utilize them within their homelife. It is important to acknowledge men exhibiting decreased symptoms of depression pre and post treatment, regardless of the nature of their disorder (depression or CHD). This trend in depression and gender is evident in past studies concerning depression, where women are reported to experience depression significantly more often then men. Typically, studies report that women have a prevalence rate for depression up to twice that of men (Bebbington, 1996).
Concerning participants suffering from coronary heart disease, there was no significant differences between gender concerning blood pressure measurements before or after treatment. This is consistent with the present studies expected results, in that there would be an equal reduction in blood pressure measures across gender. This finding is important in that it suggests that MBSR is an effective form of treatment regardless of gender. There was an overall main effect of decreased blood pressure for both males and females who received MBSR treatment. The data found in tables 3 and 4 show that participants with CHD who completed the treatment regimen showed reduced levels of depression and healthier levels of blood pressure. This complements previous research, showing that our bodies are an integrative mechanism, with mindfulness promoting mental health which is linked to our physiological processes, such as regulating our blood pressure.
Previous research finding have shown that our psychological welfare is integral to a smoothly operating individual. Siegal (2009) suggests that integration leads to the flexible, adaptive, and coherent flow of energy and information in the brain, the mind, and relationships. Siegal (2009) has also found evidence indicating that mindfulness catalyzes this fundamental process of integration which has been demonstrated to alter brain function, mental activity, and interpersonal relationships toward well being. Numerous studies have also established that depression predicts the incidence of CHD in previously healthy people (Davidson, K., 2004). Although this study wasn’t directly involved in finding the linkage between depression and CHD, this research is indirectly involved, in that by alleviating symptoms of depression through mindfulness training, CHD incidence levels are therefore decreased. Complementing previous research on the mind body relationship between CHD and depression, figure 2 shows a link between CHD and depression, such that depressed participants had higher blood pressure levels before treatment, with MBSR treatment lowering these blood pressure levels to a normal and healthy range. Figure 3 also shows a link between the two disorders, such that participants with CHD showed decreased levels of depression post treatment.
Past research has not investigated a lengthy treatment program. MBSR treatment programs have not been documented to be carried out for longer than 10 weeks, which is a standard time frame that Jon Kabat-Zin implements in his mindfulness practices. Through these shorter periods of treatment, there are still reported significant effects. With the addition of time, given in the present study, it would be expected that the effect sizes of treatment should increase. These new findings contribute to discussion on promoting integration by practicing mindfulness as an alternative approach to healing. It is an opportunity to take another look at healing outside of the standard medical practice, in that promoting mindfulness and attuning our reflective practices may be a less invasive alternative in bringing psychological and physiological health into the world, both individually and collectively. In addition, the importance of regular practice and a long term commitment is stressed in this study, in that this effortfully created intentional state may be able to become an efffortlessly established trait of the individual to achieve long term health benefits. Mindfulness traits have been described by Baer (2006) as including the propensity in life to act with awareness, be less reactive, be nonjudgmental, develop the ability to be present enough so your left hemisphere’s labeling ability can talk about the internal world, and to observe oneself objectively. Additionally, mindfulness practice reveals that such mind training also cultivates nine middle prefrontal functions including body regulation, attuned communication, emotional balance, fear extinction, respopnse flexibility, insight, empathy, morality, and intuition (Siegal, 2009). The proposal is that mindfulness is an integrative process that promotes well being in body, mind, and relationships.
There are limitations that are posed in this present study. The participants in this study were instructed to meet once weekly for two hours to receive MBSR treatment. The weekly programs were designed to advise participants to enrich their lives by regular practice, however this practice is left up to the participant to carry out without structured home supervision. The participants did not have to report the levels of home practice, so there is no clear way of knowing how the results can correlate with amount of home practice. This leaves the actual treatment and out of clinic commitment in the participants hands, which can lead to individual confounds. Just a few of these potential confounds could include the participants motivation and social support system, which could largely influence the lack of commitment to practicing outside of structured and disciplined environment. However, by leaving participants open to engage in behaviors could also provide an avenue for autonomic behavior, which has been shown to increase self determination. Autonomy appears to be essential for facilitating optimal functioning of the natural propensities for growth and integration (Ryan, 2000). Choice, acknowledgment of feelings, and opportunities for self-direction were found to enhance intrinsic motivation because they allow people a greater feeling of autonomy (Deci & Ryan, 1985). In short, leaving the treatment regimen in the participants hands could serve as a beneficial construct or a negative construct, depending upon the nature of the individual.
It is suggested that this treatment be used for any individuals that many be suffering from any type or severity of psychological or physiological disorder. Since this experimental treatment has unknown variables such as deterministic time periods and possible characteristic confounds, it is encouraged that the individual taking part of this program to continue to stay on their prescribed medication. In that way, MBSR will complement the current health regimen. Once further research has been conducted to isolate and clear up some of these variables, then there is a possibility of using this program to potentially wean an individual off of prescribed medications.
It would be an interesting and beneficial study to implement a treatment program similar to this study, but include additional variables. These variables could include measuring the amount and type of home practice to compare with results of treatment. Another interesting component that could be added to future studies is a list of character attributes of the participants. Knowing a participants attributes and comparing these with amount and type of home practice may be useful in isolating particular characteristics that may influence autonomic behavior. By adding additional time to treatment programs, looking at autonomic behavior and the frequency and type of home practice, researchers can begin to understand more about how to design a treatment program that can accentuate desired constructs pertaining to the individual and time constraints.
Overall, the present research combined with previous studies is a large stepping stone for alternative approaches to healing. It is shown that the mind and body are differentiated parts that are integrated to achieve optimal mental and physical health. Through mindfulness practices, integration of these differentiated parts is promoted and upheld as principally important in maintaining a healthy body and mind. Through subsequent research, variables can be expounded upon to determine their role in potentially confounding results of MBSR treatment. With continual research and manipulation of design and variables, MBSR treatment may begin to be viewed not as the alternative therapy to standard medical practice, but as the standard practice of health.

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http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php

numbered with transgressors

2010-05-02T11:52:00.000-07:00

whenever i go to journey church, i always come away feeling good- like some facet of purification. i feel lighter, its restorative really. but today in particular, i was touched by what was being said.

the pasteur talked about the incarnation of christ and gods love.
incarnation: embodied in flesh

there, for some reason, is certain words used and concepts exemplified in church that make me wince. certain things that maybe i don't understand completely, or that i haven't come to accept completely.

today, however, we talked about something i think is monumentally important for our souls.

"For everyone who exalts themselves will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
THis is Luke chapter 18.
So many instances where i have to catch myself from becoming to high, too righteous...
the sermon today was about becoming closer to the truth... by
emptying ourselves
responding to the good in people
moving towards the good in people
and identifying with people

relating to all people, identifying with transgressors, that we are numbered as transgressors, we all sin. we are no better than the next and reaching out instead of judging is of godly characteristic.

there is more rejoicing in the saving of the one lost sheep than that of the 99 that are already there.

love and peace...

gauntlet

2010-04-17T08:06:00.000-07:00

The sun is shining.
Today has many good things in store. My wonderful beautiful friend is coming to see me today. She is so much fun, my only friend that can get my guts to laugh too. After a meditational training this evening, its sushi... visions of hamachi sashimi and unagi are rolling around in my brain....hmmmm, hotsprings and live music to follow. Last road trip with this funny/sunny friend of mine consisted of unhinged bellowing laughter as we impersonated every animal we could think of, while wearing blue wigs and pink sunglasses. Its hysterical the ways in which we can invariably interpret a donkey.

After a rough week, one that reverberated with disappointments, i am able to move forward. I stand strong, tall, and independent. I move through lifes gauntlet with a self taught manueverability, dancing, dodging, leaping, albeit smiling. However the glistening edged guillotine of unfulfilled expectations rendered me emotionally immobile, taking me out with one swift chop.

So, coming back to the understanding that my happiness, which is what we universally seek, is not derived by external events but by my state of mind.

so, deep breath, and a nod to experiences that plant seeds of growth, i move on to the next game of hopscotch...

Winter Season Skims to an end at Big Sky

2010-04-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

Big Sky Resort went out in style this year, celebrating the end of the season with the 2010 Pond Skim last weekend. Mother nature cooperated nicely, adorned in blue skies and white fluffy snow. The sweet weather brought up a nice following too, the hills scattered with happy riders. I spent a good part of the morning getting acquainted with the more challenging parts of the hill. And by getting acquainted, I mean tumbling down the mountain, like a bruise-cruise. With my ego waning and glutes crying, I stuck to the more forgiving groomers from there out.
Around 4 o’ clock, a ginormous group of eager observers headed to the icy cold pond set up at the foot of Ambush run. The goal: glide across the water and don’t fall in, and hit a nice little kicker beforehand. Okay ready….go.

The contestants were indiscriminate in age, size, and ability. It isn’t too often you can see a 5 year old sporting a robin costume fly off a jump into an icy cold vat of water. Its also not everyday that you get to see a fly fisher in skis.

Teletubbies of every shade of the rainbow did flips and dips into the pond. Tonto from Lone Ranger flew off the jump, as did Gumby, and Superman. Chubaca even made an appearance. One skier was so excited getting ready, she forgot to put on her shirt.

And what makeshift Dr. Seuss party is complete without Thing One and Thing Two?

Those that decided to stick around for the festivities were able to stomp around in the snow a little longer to the flow of bluegrass band, Cropduster.

And to wrap it up, Dr. Suess style;

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"

2010-04-07T17:38:00.000-07:00

breathe. i try and breathe. i try so hard.

chugga chugga chugga choo choo

2010-03-27T08:46:00.000-07:00

saturday mornings...theres something particularly sweet about them.
i am devoting today to revising my thesis, studying for my well-being quiz, and tackling my musical study guide for a test tuesday..over the beatles, the beach boys...and such. coffee plays a significant role in my day...and maybe i will even manage changing out of my robe...but that is under scrutiny.
i also need to think about photos and commencement announcements for graduation. i obviously will be putting those together myself... ideally, i would like to have that done by the end of the weekend and sent off by early next week...seeings how i am on the tail end of school...with graduation being 6 weeks away.
it looks like my sisters and brother should be coming down from the valley, which is exciting. so, busy and productive weekend...
i really have had my fill of the party scene, suprisingly. which, sadly, tightens my social circle to...uh... pretty much myself. but i am okay with that...
its really hard for me to fathom my actual graduation. i have positioned these moments as a goal for several years...graduation before i was 30. and i have finally arrived. it feels really good...i have worked so hard and pushed through so many obstacles to get here, completely supported myself in every way, and made it. i am extremely proud of myself.
I have so many ideas about post graduation. if i had a a stash of cash, i know exactly what i would do. but, i don't. so, looking beyond bozeman, and money making schemes...i have been tossing around the idea of working on a cruiseliner as a photographer (hopefully), and saving money for 3 to 4 months. I would travel all over the world and get paid for it. which is kinda dynamite. plus, i would be doing all this with one of my favorites, claudia from costa rica. it is our tentative game plan. start writing, meeting people, traveling, hopefully not getting sea sick, saving money, and by the finish line of the excursion, i will hopefully have enough money saved up to either continue my traveling in some exciting new continent, or head back to the U.S. (san fran) and start fulfilling my dreams.
I, really want to leave these major life decisions open...i want to be guided by a higher power than myself...
so, lots of exciting new ventures in my life. I didn't ever think i would be in my late twenties with no attachments. not even a pet. 11 plants tho, which i have formed a bit of love for...but all in all, i am open for adventure. which is pretty fabulous in my opinion.
so, with all of that said, only time will tell. ciao.

hoopla

2010-03-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

aww... fabulous morning.
simple but fabulous. fabulous because the sun is out, because dave matthews is on, because my coffee has jumpstarted my happy little brain cells into overdrive, and because today is open. no plans, no dates, no meetings, no work, no school. just me and my pink robe and my ridiculously messy mop...and oversized black studded glasses.

i happen to be extremely happy with myself this morning...and the coffee may have something to do with that..however, my sense of elatedness stems from a recent personal accomplishment...a surmounted 'obstacle', a....relational growth.

relationships have more often than not been slightly bitter sweet for me. just because, boys shoot for my achilles tendon, and usually hit it dead on. my weakness...
and in saying this, brief yet disclosing bit of information, i will add by saying i have always been sent signals, like intuition signals...like we all do. and i have always ignored them... but THIS time... i didn't ignore the signals. I knew that it wasn't right...despite the fact that 'the boy' is hella cool. but just not right. so, sitting on the pinnacle of this relationship, it dawned on me...no, i trusted my senses, that we weren't right for eachother... i could go down the path of least resistance and be struck by the arrow and undoubtedly fall... or trot down the path that leads me to the water buckets...

i know this probably sounds confusing to those that may not know me personally... (here is my mental warfare concerning the situation...) like, what the heck is this broad talking about? am i sensitive to rejection? in that, i will break it off before there is potential to be hurt? how would i know if it was meant to be or not unless i gave it a solid chance? why not risk it and take a chance and see where it goes?
all decent arguments.
however, aside from all the shoulda woulda couldas of relationships, i just couldn't see a future. and i didn't want to waste my energy on somebody who i couldn't fathom being in my life. and i told him that. ouch. i hope i didn't hit his achilles too hard.

anyways, enough with the hoopla... just saying. i totally rock my own world at this juncture in time. ciao.

can we change?

2010-03-10T17:59:00.000-08:00

Maslow says, in regards to our changing that...
~it is in our nature to grow, even when we are not trying to
~We have 2 forces within- the pull toward safety and the pull toward growth (oscillate between safety/growth, dependence/independence, regression/progression)
~failure to respect the child's innate growth choices result in the child's loss of a sense of self..(psychic death).
~that need gratification drives behavior in a hierarchial manner

Quantum change
elements that distinguish quantum change include sudden, dramatic, enduring.
outcomes?
~release from negative feelings
~a change in values and priorities
~change in relationships
~feeling of interconnectedness
~sense of gratitude

An 'emergentist' view of quantum change, therapeutically speaking....
~an environment that fosters change
~a spiritual component
~guidance in managing feelings
~living through the questions

self concordant goals: consistant with the person's interest and core values...
~more investment of energy and more sustained effort
~stronger feeling of autonomy, competence, relatedness

Intrinsic vs extrinsic goals:
intrinsic: produce good things, greater self-actualization, feelings of vitality, less depression/anxiety...
extrinsic goals (success, money, material) have more emotional/physical conflicts with partners.

Adaption principle:
we return to our baseline levels of happiness... the lotto winner and the recent parapalegic... both return to their baseline levels.
lotto winner: gets accustomed to new comforts, takes advantage eventually...sinks back into baseline levels
parapalegic: life is over...initial frustration, begins to adapt and make modest goals.

you will always return to your default level of happiness...mostly genetic.
Are our efforts for happiness futile...
i certaintly think not.

Architecture of Happiness

2010-03-10T14:48:00.000-08:00

Socrates (469-399 BC)
Founding figure of western philosophy
contribution to the field of ethics
know thyself... happiness is to be found by knowing thyself, our true nature, our soul.
Socrates believed wrongdoing was a consequence of ignorance and those who did wrong knew no better.
Socrates believed the best way for people to live was to focus on self-development rather than the pursuit of material wealth.
It is often argued that Socrates believed "ideals belong in a world only the wise man can understand", making the philosopher the only type of person suitable to govern others.

Plato: Socrates student
felt that reason and intuition would lead to understanding of what is eternal, beautiful and transcedent.
Happiness as the virtue of justice and the "balanced" soul.

Aristotle: Platos student
taught alexander the great
introduced 'eudamonia': possessed of true well-being
golden mean: the desirable middle between two extremes, one of excess and one of deficiency.
Ideal life: poise, harmony and the avoidance of emotional extremes
also, thought women were 'sub human' and 'cold' interestingly enough

Epicurus
founded epicureanism: materialism, hedonism, absence of divine principle
simple pleasures as the chief purpose of life, but doing so in moderation to avoid suffering caused by overindulgance.
More emphasis on pleasures of the mind then pleasures of the physical.
"with whom a person eats is of greater importance then what is eaten"
emphasized friendship
the "garden philosophers"
States that God, matter, and souls are all made up of atoms.
the fear of gods and death were discouraged

well-being=happiness + life satisfaction - negative emotions

Theories....
Bottom-up theory: the tangible things that make us happy

ie. coffee, chocolate, wine, skiing, quiet moments; circumstantial

Top-down theory: more cognitive, interpretation of life, our personality traits

factors that are correlated to happiness

wealthy democracies

marriage (may be causal)

avoiding negative events and emotions

strong social support network

religion

7 contributing factors to happiness/well-being

valuing the self
sense of perceived control

moving out of ourelves

optimism

relational lives

sense of meaning and purpose

personal "integration"

as far as slices of happiness pie goes, and as far as you are willing to take statistics word for it,

10% of happiness can be attributed to genetics, 40% circumstance, 50% behavior

east meets west

2010-03-10T08:35:00.000-08:00

a bit on positive psychology as an integrative discipline...

"Positive psychology is about scientifically informed perspectives on what makes life worth living. It focuses on aspects of the human condition that lead to happiness, fulfillment, and flourishing."
~The Journal of Positive Psychology, 2005

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
~Aristotle

Confucius (551-479 BC)
Chinese philosopher
His moral teachings emphasized self cultivation, emulation of moral exemplars, and the attainment of skilled judgement rather than knowledge of the rules.

The 5 virtues that Confucius valued
~Jen: the "currency of goodness"
~Chun tzu: the mature person
~Li: propriety (the doctrine of mean)
~Te: the power of moral example
~Wen: the arts of peace

propriety, in my understanding, is appropriate behavior, manners.

Lao-Tzu: b. 604 BC

Taoism
wu wei
Lao Tzu taught that all straining, all striving are not only vain but counterproductive. One should endeavor to do nothing (wu-wei). But what does this mean? It means not to literally do nothing, but to discern and follow the natural forces -- to follow and shape the flow of events and not to pit oneself against the natural order of things. First and foremost to be spontaneous in ones actions.

The five colours blind the eye.
The five tones deafen the ear.
The five flavours dull the taste.
Racing and hunting madden the mind.
Precious things lead one astray.
Therefore the sage is guided by what he feels and not by what he sees.
He lets go of that and chooses this.

Hinduism
Worlds third largest religion
predominance in South Asia

Upanishads: Hindu scriptures that constitute core teachings of Vedanta.
Vedanta is based on two simple propositions.
~Human nature is divine.
~The aim of human life is to realize that human nature is divine.

Bhagavad Gita: 700 verses of sacred hindu scripture, taught by Krishna, who is revered by Hindus as a manifestation of God Himself, and is referred to within as Bhagavan, The Divine One.

The path of desire: pleasure and success
The path of renunciation: duty (faithful performance) and liberation (freedom from life's limiations)

Finding the "beyond within"
~brahman: root "to grow" The eternal unchanging reality which is the Divine ground of all matter, energy, time, space, being, and everything beyond in this Universe.
~Atman: root "breath" It is one's true self beyond identification with the phenomenal reality of worldly existance.

Buddhism: "falling awake"
B. 563 BC, Nepal, as Siddhartha Guatama

4 Noble Truths
~Suffering exists
~Desire exists
~Release from our cravings=release from suffering
~The 8-fold path is the path toward release

The Eightfold Path
The "Right" Way
1. Views: recognizing suffering and its cure
2. Intent: maintaining focus on our goal
3. Speech: speaking with truth and clarity
4. Conduct: acting with compassion
5. Livelihood: work in ways that promote life
6. Effort: virtues will replace ego
7. Mindfulness: steady attention to thoughts/feelings
8. Concentration: cultivating awareness and conciousness

"Happiness is the meaning and purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence."
~Aristotle

2010-03-08T07:53:00.000-08:00

my 6 a.m. morning walk was lined with bedazzled icecrystals, crisscrossing in every pattern concievable. snow is melting. the green grass, still befuddled from its winter hibernation, is peering through at every corner....wondering if it is safe to stay. mudpuddles lurk, awaiting their distracted victems. the air smells fresh, not like rain, but like prospective rain.
on my way home, jumping puddles, i noticed the icecrystals were fading, undoubtedly being repressed by the throws of the sun. aww, i will trade one for the other.
with the sun on my face, coercing my faded freckles, i stopped. and listened. birds. a conglomerate of different sounding chirps, crisscrossing in every pattern concievable. hmmm... and so it goes.
have a great day everyone!

kiss my cheek

2010-02-24T08:23:00.000-08:00

i rest my face, affectionately on the cold glass pane, as the suns rays kiss my cheek. my eyes stay closed but the radiance still shines through...coloring my inner eyelids a deep fire red. these moments in time are revered to me. when i am able to release and elevate, and absorb these divine graces....

Our days are filled, it seems. with things. we run from one thing to the next, sometimes. i run, without stopping. and by the time i lay my head down, i realize that i didn't allow myself to experience, to truly stop and experience my days track meet. the food i cram into my mouth...do i taste it? do i enjoy it? am i grateful for it....

the qualities of attention and awareness needed to be mindful of your day can be cultivated and developed. It is an inherent human capapity to be mindful, to one degree or another. the key, then is to refine this capacity and bring it to all aspects of life.

maybe it starts with a view, or skillful understanding of how unexamined behaviors and untrained minds can contribute directly to human suffering. your own suffering and the suffering of others.

meditation, daily. a time of quiet set aside during the day. to sit and breathe and let it be. theres no substitute for these times of consciousness discipline.
it allows ME to see my intentions for the day...and adjust accordingly...i can breed a peaceful disposition through a meditative state, relinquishing unneeded control and letting things fall as they may.

being grateful. really truly being grateful.

waking up

2010-02-20T09:39:00.001-08:00

Concerning the attainment of our dreams and the limitations we face due to our reality….

I want to connect this idea with another, similar idea. That, if we, as a human race, were to realize our full potential, and act upon that with a sound reverence and diligence, that we could achieve things beyond our wildest imagination. Then, I wholeheartedly believe that we can
uphold our dreams.

This is such a heavy topic, and the layers that embody ‘limitations and dreams’ go deep.

I think one step into beginning to realize that dreams are within reach is to jettison the idea of ‘limitations.’ ‘Limitations’ seem to be a mental construct that have been rooted into our cognitive lair for eons. The boundaries in which we must live and abide. We are taught that there are boundaries. The boundaries of our social status, of our checkbooks, of our physical capabilities, of our place in the workforce, its like an interlaced boundary sandwich that we are fed from the beginning.

So then, what if your dreams fall outside of these walls? Do we flock like sheep and follow the herd around menially, without harvesting our true potential?

I suppose it starts with a sort of mental breakthrough. I like to wrap myself up in the belief that if we follow our paths, the right path….a path that embodies truth in all different angles, that doors will open. And with this reverent diligence, a realization of our true capabilities, and a path lit by truth, your dreams will unfold naturally. And then comes in a term I love…’sagacity.’ Or, a mental discernment of the unfoldings of life, of things perfectly placed for you, opportunities, doors, people, and acting upon those serendipitous moments….relinquishing control but still driving…the elephant and the man…

Essentially, WAKING UP will lead us closer to our DREAMS.

reflection paper

2010-02-02T19:09:00.001-08:00

this is a reflection paper over the benefits of walking...invisible and quiet...on change.

Change: the process of becoming different. To make the form of something different from what it is or what it would be if left alone.
Thomas Merton has said that change can come quietly and invisible on the inside…..
When a person changes, they can change in any direction. They can change for someone else, for all the wrong reasons, and into something that doesn’t resemble who they are. To “change” in the right direction would mean to change from something that you are not, into your true nature or self…I would say. I think that ‘change’ is best expressed, for my particular understanding, as ‘beneficial personal transformation’. I think that is probably what Merton meant in the first place.
Lurking in the hustle of society, and its prospective norms, is an underlying AND voiced pressure to change and to fit in to mainstream. Mainstream encompasses so many different things, its impossible to be the perfect “societal fit.” The incessant noise from all angles…do this, be this, want this, own this, wear this….etc. etc. It is very loud and visible. Its our culture.
To go on a walk, where nothing can touch you…except for the reverberating clatter of the past, if you let it….to be still, quiet, and invisible to the judgemental eye…theres something beautiful about being away from mainstream, from judgement. It would allow a person, who is restricted by the minds false clatter, to let their guard down, to breathe, and to delight (possibly) in the small freedoms of walking in quiet solitude.
I do think that sagacity is needed to fully extract the benefits of quiet solitude, however.

bridger bowl

2010-01-31T20:37:00.000-08:00

Over 150 years ago, a mountain man by the name of James “Jim” Bridger traversed the Western United States, trapping, guiding, and exploring new territory. His trail blazing eventually led him through what is now known as the Bridger Mountain Range. Among the many recreational opportunities that the mountain has to offer, the Bridger Bowl ski resort stands out as a local hot spot.

Skiing enthusiasts have been testing the terrain since the 1940’s, but it wasn’t until 1955 that the ski resort opened to the public. Since that time, the relationship between MSU and the ski resort has continually blossomed. As in all good relationships, there is a quintessential balance of give and take to endure a long lasting enjoyment.

Over one hundred thousand dollars have been donated to the MSU ski team since its opening and almost sixty thousand dollars since 1995 alone. Being a non-profit community area, Bridger ski resort has undoubtedly extended itself, creating a healthy alliance with the campus. In addition, the ski lift ticket prices are affordable, with some of the lowest you will find anywhere.

The terrain offers a variety of landscapes, including open bowls, long slopes, chutes, gullies, glades, tree skiing, and a terrain park with two different lines. With 2000 acres of rideable terrain, 71 trails, and 2700 feet of vertical rise, there is ample exploration and playtime for the taking. If you have some expertise behind your belt, the new Schlasman’s chairlift will take you up 1700 vertical feet and add 311 acres to your riding repertoire. This ridge terrain provides some challenging natural features, including steep chutes, rock cliffs, and snowfields which may potentially end in unmarked cliffs. Anybody that is planning on partaking in this ridge riding should plan on packing an avalanche transceiver, a partner, a shovel…and some serious riding ability.

If you have a knack for finessing the slopes, there are all types of competitive events being held at Bridger Bowl that you may enjoy watching or participating in. Events such as the Alpine and Telemark Community Race Series held in January, where racers of all ages dualed in downhill timed runs.

February has some solid competitions in the works as well. The Bridger Gully Free Ride is popping off on the 21st, all disciplines welcome. This free riding event takes place on naturally featured terrain just off of Bridger ridge and will be judged on a variety of criteria. If the terrain park is more your speed, the following weekend offers the Terrain Park Jam, which is a slope style competition and Jam session. There will be 2 judged runs on the slopestyle event plus 2 jam sessions on jumps, rails, and boxes. Saturday caters to snowboarders and Sunday is for skiers. $10 gets you into the event with the award ceremony to follow at Jim Bridger Lodge. For more information, go to www.bridgerbowl.com.

See ya on the slopes!

sugary slopes

2010-01-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

my first campus publication.....

Sugary Slopes
Weaving through the great outdoors of Southwestern Montana, I found myself passing creeks donning names such as ‘Moose’ and ‘Swan’. An immature bald eagle gliding effortlessly overhead and a group of mountain goats idly passing their time were just a few attractions that accompanied my Saturday morning drive.
My destination is Lone Mountain. Particularly the northern face: Moonlight Basin ski resort. I arrived, professedly green on what types of sugar the mountain had to offer. Fortunately, I was in good hands, being chauffeured around the mountain by the adult snow sports supervisor, Christo Pierce. He was able to shed some light on some of the mountain basics.
With 1900 acres of rideable terrain and a summit of 11,166 feet, the mountain boasts a landscape of groomers, a freestyle terrain park, moguls, open bowls, tree skiing, and steep chutes and gullies that could satiate most any riders appetite.
We spoke of the Headwaters, the more extreme terrain on the top of the face, accessible by hiking from the Headwaters Lift to the ridge.
The six-shooter is the primary lift at Moonlight, rising 1850 vertical feet from the base. For the more advanced terrain, you can take the Headwaters lift, which meets the top of the six-shooter and gains an additional 850 feet, marking the boundary line between Moonlight and Big Sky Resort.
Incessantly gobbling up these bits of information was overshadowing my skiing, apparently, and it was suggested that I put my notepad down and work on my feeble turns. With my pride at stake, I spent the next hour, as instructed, stretching my turns out like “salt water taffy.” And low and behold, a graceful fluidity emerged from hiding. Achieved by a metaphorical three little words of instruction: salt water taffy.
Besides the breathtaking views and the equally alluring terrain, Moonlight Basin offers a plethora of events on a regular basis. On Saturday, Feb. 6, Moonlight Basin is hosting the Peanut Butter and Rail Jam, the 8th stop of Volcom’s amateur snowboard tour and Volcum’s only stop in Montana! The layout of the event is freshly formatted, with three rails dug side-by-each to create a single large rail zone. The event is absolutely free! There are a bounty of prizes, free PB&J sandwiches, and a free Volcom PBRJ shirt just for entering! You can sign up the day of the event at the Madison Village Base Area or at www.volcom.com. Note: space is limited to 200 contestants and fills up quickly so don’t wait!
Hope to see you there! I will be the girl transitioning my ski moves to that of a piece of candy.

reflection paper

2010-01-22T14:30:00.001-08:00

Reflection Paper #1, question # 2
The Science of Psychological Well Being
I love the analogy used at the beginning of this article, The Wise Heart. The article compares a golden Buddha, masked in clay…that has weathered many storms, political changes, and invading armies. Finally the clay cracks, to reveal the golden “noble self.” I desperately, no…more like vehemently believe that we are all good and possess this “nobility” within ourselves. This buddhanature.
I think we have a tendency to enclose or mask ourselves. We are prone to hide our true selves, our true nature, our true raw beings. It is unfortunate. That we have gotten to the point of cowering under the shadow of our true selves by lavishly decorating with “shoulds have’s” and “should be’s.” Wanting approval so badly, but ironically, a false bottomed approval. A happiness imposter looms over our heads and beckons us to jump through these hoops. Hoops comprised of artificial, temporary, society fed garbage, only leaving you with an unquenched thirst.
It is so easy for me to say these things, but I find myself in the midst of the madness. Honestly, I have been reading a lot of literature lately about enlightenment. About healthy living, spiritually. It has helped me monumentally. My attitude HAS shifted subtly. However, I still find myself judging others…almost innately it seems sometimes. And I know that I am judged as well. I can feel it.
I suppose recognition is a great stepping stone. Upon recognizing the injustice of judgemental behaviors, I begin to think a bit more clearly. That people, behind the façade, behind the decorative display…are really just like myself. And I love that we should be respectful of this with everyone we meet each day. That we should take time to inquire and learn about the real products offered instead of merely window shopping.

The Wise Heart

2010-01-20T19:12:00.000-08:00

i have begun my final semester in school. *leaps of joy*
there is this new adjunct professor, brand spankin new. her name is louise. she's from boston. she is into clinical psychology. anyways, she is teaching her first class here in bozeman, entitled.."the science of psychological well-being."
so, i basically adore her. she just emanates raw natural beauty. i find myself just enamored completely with the lightness in which she teaches....so gracious and beautiful.

so she has assigned some "light reading." aside from the 5 thick books required in her class. all material that i am greatly anticipating diving into.

one of the readings is called, 'the wise heart.'

so i figured i may divulge my thoughts on the article, much like a literature review.

The Wise Heart
Article by Jack Kornfield
Interpreted by myself

"O Nobly Born, O you of glorious origins, remember your radiant true nature, the essence of mind. Trust it. Return to it. It is home.
~The Tibetan Book of the Dead

The analogy used in the opening paragraphs attempt to illuminate the topic at hand. Where a golden buddha is unearthed, masked in unappealing clay. The golden buddha beneath was unmasked by a crack made in the clay. The outside clay mask endured hundreds of years of storms, political shifts, invading armies and so on. This golden buddha is compared, by Jack Kornfield, as representative of our (human race) covering our innate nobility. Covering our true nature and noble selves up with a barrier that weathers the storms of the day. taking cover from the storm.

The primary aim of Buddhist psychology is to help us see beneath this armoring and bring out our orignial goodness, called our buddhanature.

the goal here, finding our wholeness and freedom. the radical life changes that could happen if only we werent so identified with limitations and impoverishment.

to allow our noble selves to shine involves finding the dignity in others, their suffering to be acknowledged.

ways in which this can be done is by imagining that person as a small child, innocent.
by moving forward in time and visualizing the person at the end of their life, lying on their deathbed, vulnerable, open, with nothing to hide.
Or seeing the person as a fellow wayfarer, struggling with burdens, wanting happiness like everyone else.

that everyone has goodness to be touched and felt.

we tend to, as a westernized culture, to give credence to disease and ailments. foucusing on pathology, the DSM (diangostic and statistical manual of mental disorders) focusing on what is WRONG with the individual...we give so much attention to our protective layers of fear, depression, confusion, and aggression, that we forget who we really are.

I LOVE THIS PART...
As psychology becomes more pharmacologically orientated, this medical model is reinforced!!!!! quick fix...pop a pill. whoooeeee. looking to a little pill as the answer to confusion and suffering. in children as well.

INNER FREEDOM: LIBERATION OF THE HEART
what is the alternative to focusing on limitations and pathology?
freedom.
"Just as the great oceans have but one taswte, the taste of salt, so do all of the teachings of Buddha have but one taste, the taste of liberation."

The possibility of freeing oneself from the entanglement of unhealthiness.

Awakening this inner freedom of spirit is the purpose of the hundreds of Buddhist practices and trainings. Recognizing and letting go of unhealthy patterns that create suffering....and develop healthy patterns in their place. Instead of a sit down therapy...it is practices, daily. and training and disciplines that return us to our innate wisdoms and compassions....and freedoms.

The admiration of others is saintly.

Each time we meet other human beings and honor their dignity, we help those around us.

2010-01-19T18:53:00.000-08:00

still reverberating after my holidays.
echoing from the inside out.
lots of stimmmmmuli to appease the senses. to tease my sensibleness.

it was all of lovely.

moonlight basin

2010-01-12T18:16:00.000-08:00

so i have this new and amazing gig....i negotiatied myself free skiing at bridger, bigsky, and moonlight ski resorts here in bozeman in exchange for exposure in photography and columns in the msu campus paper, the exponent.

so, today i headed up to moonlight to meet with their marketing director, skis in tow of course.

she handed me a department season pass.

heck yeah.

she scattered all sorts of upcoming events being held in moonlight, we swapped contact information and upcoming issue ideas.....and that was that

sweet.

i was given a little moonlight tour, they have no actual 'base lodge', but they have a cafeteria, bar, and ski and ticket information...there is a moonlight lodge located a little farther up the mountain however. the lodge is pretty posh, fine dining, no getting sloppy here though.

i was told that i would be getting a mountain guide to show me around lone mountain, which is when i met christo pierce. he is the adult snow sports supervisor...aka he runs the ski school. so he was my tour guide/meet and greet guy/and ski instructor for the day. pretty much took me under his wing and showed me the ins and outs of the development, finances, growth statistics...even as far as divulging in how much a single chair left weighs. 1000 pounds. a little too much information, but ok.

christo! he rocked~ i wasn't expecting a ski instructor at all, especially a 33 year ski instructor veteran, albeit i desperately needed one!
tip #1...make your turns like salt water taffy.
tip #2...lean in on your left big toe when making a right. right big toe when making a left.
tip #3...keep the tops of my poles at my bottom peripheral.
tip #4...bend my ankles.
tip #5...there is a momentum that you harness

we skied all over, i took photos, and by the end of the day, i felt i had drastically improved. upon which he said he wants to make me his "ski project." i must really need it if i am referred to as a "project."
project=an undertaking requiring concerted effort.
i feel belittled and honored simultaneously. :)

a few of my highlights...

meeting martin bell, a 4 X olympic downhill skiing competitor...

halos..

woofer...

and amazing views

hyalite

2010-01-10T17:16:00.000-08:00

today was full of wonder.

starting off with this little character bombing around my head like some sort of heat seeking missile.

off to hyalite!

a good day for horse play...
hi jen!

armed with multiple layers, trusty snowshoes, snacks, and....the dog. beuford

come to find out, beuford is a snob. the only way beuford will give you the time of day is if you are a cat, in which case he may kill you..or if you are a sassy playful dog...or a very large dog. other than that, ya got nothin with ol beuford.

there was alot of people out today, ice fishing, ice climbing, skiing, hiking, you name it. we even saw a bear and a moose! no, thats not true. not even close.

conversation spanned topics such as costa rica, guadalahara, being in our primes, home grown food, homeade soymilk (not worth the time), the nonsensicalness of militant gurus, restaurant drama, transparent people, makeup, lip rings, california, blondies, gardening naked, hippies (proper meaning of the word), marijuana, simplicity, success (happiness in simplicity), female comradery, boys, serendipitous moments, younger brothers, backpacking, graduation...

and on and on.

my toes froes...i mean toze froze...wait, toes froze...there we go. then they thawed...

sunday funday

raven

2010-01-09T02:37:00.000-08:00

its funny how
you know the way the eggs will slide down the pan and over the olive ghosts
because of the homes peculiar gate rhythmic in stride
with the earth like the moon's tides, pulling, pushing, the ocean.
and how and when and where , you are going to have to catch them
with the spatula, its funny how
you flip them, and rememer how you were wearing an orange coat
and she walked in like a sunrise
and commented on what that particular color
had meant to her that day. its funny how you dreamt of red unbridled horses that night, and
mazzy star notes, and iron.
its funny how you know the exact angle of the pan on the stove
and what will happen next.
its something how she says
laughing fully and sweetly into the out loud
that she would sell her body
on a street corner
to be Leonard Cohens groupie, and its realy funny how, at that moment, you are like, damn! I wish i was Leonard Cohen.
Its funny how neighbors here greet eachother warmly,
both as the pears drop with sugar weight and sometimes
land on the unforeseen.
Its actually not funny, it is sweet, like pear sugar.
my mother juices them and calls it ambrosia. by the lake.
back home.
and its sweet how neighbors here also greet eachother in the spring,
when the pears are babytides of blossoms. honeybees snicker in
curiousity....and they probably giggle and tickle eachother,
a little bit, its funny how much you love her and think about her.
and wonder about that particular angle of the earth
and if it was just slightly gaited more to the stride of.... of some wild horse
you, you know, maybe?
love and then more love to you sweet one.
you really mean alot to me. sunshine.
its funny how you know that you could live fully good and kind, though mischievious at the right moments, for that girl that means the world to you.
sweet dreams. starlit snuggles.
god i miss you.
-poem by raven stevens

blue baby

2010-01-03T14:15:00.000-08:00

i am finally settled back into my cozy lil apt., post vacation. the highlight of the trip was my nephew caleb being born. he came into the world on 12-31-2009, our little blue moon baby.

my sister, maia, was spectacular. spectacular from the way that she handled her pregnacy to the strength she embodied while delivering. i couldn't be more in awe of her, honestly.

we had all been discussing how great it would be to have a baby born on the blue moon....the second full moon of december, the thirteenth full moon of the year, basically the extra full moon. maias doctor gave her the option of being induced at midnight on new years eve. she leapt to that opportunity like a hungry tigress.

the 'crew' that accompanied maia to the hospital included myself, leo, tony (daddy), and mom.

we show up at midnightish...

when maia showed up, the nurses started standard protocol...hooking up IV's, monitoring babys heart beat, and maias contractions. when we arrived, maia was 3 centimeters dilated and almost completely ephased. almost immediately after the patocin was started, maia's contractions increased in intensity and duration. her body was very sensitive to the hormone.

grandma was constantly monitoring the reports...

and passing time on the medicine ball...

waiting.....

welcome caleb aiden john galossi

he was a little blue. his first apgar was 7, second was 8, due to coloration.
but healthy, toes and fingers and all else in the proper position.

swaddled and cleaned, let the comedic relationship begin....

and the kisses....lots of kisses to come...

grandpa checkin out his first grandson

7 pounds 4 ounces

awww.......

2009-12-17T08:54:00.000-08:00

my first day free of the ball and chains of school. it feels fabulous. almost a month off, to clear my head of textbook psychology. oh yes. i did well this semester, 6 A's and one lil B+. so life is good. my hard work paid off.
i have been going strong for two and half years straight. through every summer... my eye on the prize. and it is right around the corner. it really is skipping stones from here on out.
I am pretty happy with myself.
i am going to continue to work through my family outreach company, taking care of my same kiddo, who i love and adore! i am going to be recieving another 6 credits through school, flexible hours, as well as making decent money. so blessed i have this job. it has its hand on so many aspects of my life, in so many wonderful ways.
i am starting with the campus newspaper, the 'exponent.' i should be hearing from them sometime in january, but sound like i am getting my own column and the opportunity to publish some photography as well! will be purchasing a nice digital canon here in the next few days, not sure the exact model, but its gonna kick serious bootay, so lots of great articles and photos to come.... i am thinking an outdoors column would be prime. spend my saturdays stompin around outside, getting my adventures published, AND PAID! sweet! i would volunteer, but give me a computer and an office and a paycheck, even better :)
i have a great friend coming into town this evening, he's bringing me ELK MEAT! yes, a friend of mine for sure! a fun couple days planned, ice climbing....getting comfy with this vacation thing...
Another great friend coming down from columbia falls in a few days to pick me up and TAKE ME HOME! she is so wonderful, and i have a nice meal planned for us sunday. stuffed acorn squash, an nice organic bottle of red.... downtown for some dessert.... she is one of those friends that i love like a sister and knows where my gut wrenching belly laughs lay, and she finds them every time i see her!
Then hooooooooooommmmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! FINALLY!
monday is the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year ! another nice dinner with my 'curb your enthusiasm' friends back home, and i will be recieving my new camera!!!!!
the best part....
is my sister is pregnant and about ready to pop. her due date is december 30th but we are all thinking she will give birth early. i am telling the little baby boy to wait for auntie julia, I WANT TO BE THERE! take pictures, offer support, watch the miracle of life. so many photos to come of this occasion.
many friends to see, many good times to be had, no worries on documentation, that is so my style.

trust love

2009-12-13T06:41:00.000-08:00

sow love in response to hate

Christian: God is love; you are God's and children of the most high

Shinto: Love is the receptacle of the Lord

Zoroastrian: Man is the beloved of the Lord and you should love him in return

Judaic: Thou shall love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and thy neighbor as thyself

Sikh: God will regenerate those in whose hands there is love

Buddha: Let a man cultivate toward the whole world a heart of love

Tao: Heaven arms with love those it would not see destroyed

Islam: Love is this, that thou shouldst account thyself very little and God very great

Baha'i: If you lovest me not, my love can no wise reach thee

Confucian: To love all men is the greatest benevolence

Hindu: One can best worship the Lord through Love

choc-o-late

2009-12-08T08:13:00.000-08:00

my favorite time of the day, is now. my coffee mug, brimming with love, clad with rasta men jumping, drumming, and leaping in excitement. in celebration, over coffee, i imagine.

the semester is bottlenecking finally...dead week. the week before finals. i am dancing around my lengthy list of deadlines and due dates like a trippy hippy, hoping they might magically disappear into thin air.

i dropped the ball yesterday, allowing all of the conflicting interests of my schedule and life squeeze the composure right out of me...after which, i found absolute sanctuary in chocolate.
yes, chocolate.
its really no wonder...chocolate conains phenethylamine..an alkaloid...similar to an amphetamine, releasing norepinephrine and dopamine. Okay...chocolate has psychoactive stimulating affects...without the guilt and come down. okay, i will take a handful please. also, chocolate contains the alkaloid theobromine...which shares similar effects of my one true love, caffeine.
the cherry on my chocolate sundae is that, aside from being linked to increased seratonin levels, it lowers your blood pressure...., contains a crapload of antioxidants which reduce the formation of free radicals...so its a healthy stimulant.
which is why mochas almost make me cry....the officiating of caffeine and chocolate into one hot beverage. renders me speechless..

finding purpose

2009-12-04T19:27:00.000-08:00

i went to an art exhibit tonight. ceramics. my camera phone is the best its gonna get for pictorals... pretty sweet stuff....

i always enjoy artists' speeches...and i actually don't even know his name. shucks. but i liked what he had to say about his ceramics. he said....that it is all fire roasted and toasted. and that there is no set designated use for any of his pieces. use it any way you wish. just USE it, because once you begin really using it, you find your purpose for it, and begin to understand it. i like that.

and we were given a ceramic cup of our choice with bottomless wine for just showing up...even sawweeetttter. i am appreciative.

chocolate and spinning

2009-12-03T08:08:00.000-08:00

awwww....
i have to premise this entry with two things.
firstly, this coffee is so amazing that i just really don't know what to do with myself. organic yellowstone french roast...i am so in happy coffeeland right now.
secondly, GOOD MORNING!
sun is out, the sun is radiant as a matter of fact, she is pulling all the stops this morning, equipped with a full arsenal of gleams, glimmers, and glints. in an attempt, in my opinion, to sabatoge all of jack frosts hard work... and so it goes...

i rose early this morning. put on my eskimo gear, stepped outside and breathed in the stars. the gym met me like an in law....bitter sweet. it felt good to run, albeit 6 a.m. nice. slow. steady. sweet part.
and then came spinning. the instructor just returned from the iron man in arizona. yeah. bad A. during warm up, steady stories flowed of 77 year old men finishing the race, of the first double amputee finishing (thats NO quads NO hams PARTIAL glutes=AMAZING), of an 82 year old nun finishing....sister something....that one slipped....
so, naturally, our class recieved a smack down beating this morning. no sissy class nonsense, straight up tortuous in and out of consciousness dripping wet insanity. whose harebrained idea was this? bitter part.
admittedly, the feeling that followed was kinda post-coital. which is totally sweet. sweet like chocolate that remedies as well.

so life is good. the rainbow i color gets brighter and brighter every day. and the taste gets sweeter.

ball handling

2009-11-29T07:41:00.000-08:00

it always suprises me, dating.... for lack of a better word. getting to know eachother. it can be so painfully awkward. you have two people, completely different backgrounds, it seems only natural that there would be a little rub between two people. rub as in friction. friction as in difference. two different worlds, two entirely different experiences, environments, upbringings.... at a certain point, maybe you are attracted to somebody due to their morals, values, and beliefs. So, you'd think, having a psuedo similar mind track, that this would alleviate any unneccessary discomfort. no, that doesn't seem to be the case. damn.
in a perfect little world, there would be world peace.... AND easy dating. sitting comfortable in early adulthood, a smorgasbord of life experiences behind my belt, almost donned like an indian would their tribal feathers.... signifiying growth, maturity, a sprinkle of wisdom here and there, but put me in a room with a guy and my brain turns to mush and my lips start resembling that of a freakin ventriloquist. geez. louise.
serious, i have a handle on most balls.
throw me a curve, i can usually hit it out of the park. (here is where you hear the 'toot' of my own horn). surmounting obstacles...check.... facing challenges.... check....leaping tall buildings....sure why not.... acting somewhat normal with another prospective consort in the same room.... WHAT THE EF?????
its the funniest thing really, i find myself laughing out loud at what a retard i can be. like, REALLY JULES??????
Dorkus: someone who acts a bit dorky but is cute at the same time. An UNATTRACTIVE female dork. An ATTRACTIVE female dork is called a "Dorkette".

Alright, now that I have completely put my ass on the line for people to pin tall tales on..... that is that.

The tragically hip part of this whole chuckle worthy charade of nonsensicalness is that, after a few times teasing apart the facade.... you eventually get to know one another. bringing the matter to a T. Continue teasing apart and enjoy all the new discoveries that are made. Or be on your way, making the GRAND realization that... NO, you are not eachothers missing links, NO you are not eachother missing puzzle pieces, YES, you are two village idiots living in the same village, but two wrongs most definitly don't make a right. happy sunday all!

2009-11-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

getting back on track from a slightly derailed saturday...spent time with some good friends and made some new ones... everyone was in high spirits... even went to the ZEBRA and attempted dancing with a huge pair of sorel snowboots. somewhat like a clumsy clydesdale. much laughter, great conversation, and a red velvet chocolate cake to double knot the night.

it took an extra slice of will power to wake up this morning and make my way to yoga. was so happy to be there and work the kinks of the weekend out. instructor did make a comment, something along of the lines of... 'are you okay julia?' i may have fell out of sun salutation sequence a few times...

i decided, for my final art capstone project, i am going to sketch a series of self portraits. incorportating a light source projected at different angles... i think i will use charcoal, ebony pencil, and white and sepia...so this will keep me occupied through thanksgiving....

2009-11-21T05:26:00.000-08:00

in yesterdays thoughts, i alluded with a follow up on bible verses concerning pain.

maybe another day. not this morning. i don't feel like diving into the complexity of pain, repentance, and salvation. its a bit early for my ticker to tock like that.

i had a bout of restlessness last night, so i am up with the moon and the stars this morning. cat/griz today. looks like there will be a three way rivalry, due to the snowfall this morning. i was actually throwing the idea back and forth of an uber early jog. but when i peered outside, the bark of the trees turned into growls due to the fierceness of the wind.

bidding adieu

illusions

2009-11-20T07:44:00.000-08:00

pain. ouch. how can four little letters convey such emotion.... damn diggity.

there is so many areas that i could attack this concept...explanatorily attack that is. or at least attempt to make sense of what i have come to understand regarding pain.

we have all, in some degree experienced pain. and hurt. and sadness. over a plethora of different things that have happened to us in our lives. i fell prey to the meat grinder, was spit into pieces, and it took years to put myself back together. and when i finally did, i wasn't the same person anymore. the experience had changed me. and it took a while for me to really understand the benefit from the hell on earth i endured.

so what the bleep is pain, and why the bleep do we have to endure it?
the all out balls to the wall no holds bar question.

there are some interesting interpretations of pain, as well as residual pain, which eckart tolle has given a name, pain-bodies.

there are many teaching, expressing that the state of pain is ultimately an illusion. this is so hard to fathom. that those feelings and experiences that i have had, i am sure you have had, were in vain. that those minutes, hours, days, and even years of borderline unbearable pain were avoidable. but, if this is true, even if there is some slight nuance of truth to this, how amazing would that be. if by some shift in conscious awareness, by choosing what it is that we give life to. as we hack and stumble through the dense forests of feelings and sadness, when there is a groomed trail right beside us.

so years ago, post traumatic experience, i wasn't able to find that nice trail to reprieve, and i stumbled along, and i felt heavy and sad. as many of us do, i think. for the longest time, even when i thought that i had surpassed and conquered the monsters of my past, these feelings would rise from time to time. in certain situations. eckart tolle, one of my favorite authors of all time, terms these feelings pain-bodies.

the accumulated pain, he says, is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. if you let it. it has two modes of being-dormant and active. extremely depressed people may have an active pain body 100 % of the time. For others, this pain body may surface during intimate relationships or situations linked with past loss or abandonent, physical or emotional hurts, and so on. The active state of pain can be triggered, in other words.

these pain bodies want to survive. but they can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. it can then rise up, and take you over. energy speaking, it will come active when you resonate with its own kind of energy... further pain in any form... examples are anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness. pain feeding on pain.

this was what was happening to me for a few years after my experiences. i was still identifying with the hurt. my past, in essence, still had control over me.

another way of looking at the pain-body is as a dark shadow cast by the ego. a seperation from our truths. bringing in the light of our consciousness, our presence, light is shed on the disease of past pain and its phantom frailness and its formlessness. in order to shed light on the darkness, facing it full frontal style is in order. seeing it for what it is, observing what it is we are allowing to lurk. bringing attention and presence to the pain and the identification can be broken. calling it out as an imposter by bringing attention to the absurdity of its residual dwelling allows you begin the process of freedom from it.

St Paul
"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."

sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain body and your thought processes and brings about the process of transmutation. (eckart tolle)
transmutation: a theory that holds a person can modify the status or ownership of assets they own from separate property.

eckart tolle has written an entire book about this topic, and it is really food for thought. a different way of looking at ourselves, at rising above disease, and bringing awareness into all that comprises us.

the bible has many beautiful verses on pain and the beauty that we can extract from it. tonight, i will delve into biblical ins and outs interpretations of pain.

i need to get ready for class... have a great day everyone!

serendipity

2009-11-19T08:22:00.000-08:00

serendipity: the effect by which one stumbles upon something fortunate.

i heard this word used this morning by a group of doctors while awaiting an appointment. something along the lines of..."was this planned, or serendipitous?"
what a great word.
i suppose sagacity plays a role in serendipity. whereas one, who flips trips and dips unto something, someone, an experience that is unexpectedly miraculous.... being able to mentally discern (sagacity) what has just taken place is of utmost importance. otherwise, these miracles float on, unnoticed....
i have, jokes aside, been experiencing serendipitous moments scattered, like a sprinkling of fairy dust, throughout my days.
i am not talking about schizoid delusions of grandeur here, i am talking about little teensy tinsy happenenings that are so beautifully orchestrated, that it leaves me, actually emotionally jaw dropped.
i am not sure how else to describe it, other than i recognize this glory in my life and how blessed i am. how beautiful positive energy is, how prayer has opened my eyes. experiencing joy in my life in so many different ways. thank god for that.

Sun is shining, the weather is sweet
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know ya, where I stand

When the morning gathers the rainbow
Want you to know I'm a rainbow too
So, to the rescue here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, know, know

Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, where I stand

taylor jade

2009-11-17T18:36:00.000-08:00

once upon a time there was this little girl by the name of taylor jade. from the first time you laid eyes on her, you knew she was....special.

and when i say special, i mean captivatingly charismaticaly hook line and sinker sugar and spice. flavorful. bouncing brown curls, two fat dimples in each rosy red cheek, and playful eyes.

whats this look all about?

smile big

and....bigger

and.....really ginormous

the personality on this kid is ridiculous. straight up independent, try anything, go anywhere, scopin out the territory, fearless, need for speed type of girl. or speedo in this case...

in any case, i just love her to pieces....

and you wonder where she gets it? hmm.......

jammin

2009-11-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

coffee in the press, bob marley action to keep me satisfied in the background...

i scraped myself out of bed this morning, negotiating whether the idea of spinning class at 6:30 a.m. was really necessary. as i went to turn off my alarm, i noticed a few messages, one of which expressed something along the lines of meteor showers before dawn. alright, that got me up.

strapped on my sorels and ventured into the chilly star clad morning. i didn't spot any meteors, but i did see some shooting stars during class...torture induced of course..... i think i dropped 5 pounds in sweat alone. ah, the grueling satisfaction.

wow, this coffee is so good. yum.

there is this verse in the bible that i would like to share this morning.

For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:
For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
-1 Timothy 4:4-5

i really love this. i love it for many reasons. for me, it says that we have been given all types of blessed food sources for our life energy. fish, birds, game...plants, grains, fruits, water, grapes for wine, barley for beer...
it says that no matter what is set before us, or what we set out to find...whether elaborate or simple, that we should be thankful. that it is blessed to our bodies.
on the same thread, there are those that are in somewhat of a trepidation about food and drink and calorie content... those with a distorted body image, fearful of putting anything into their body... i have been there before. i understand the fearfulness that can grip you, allowing feverish anxiousness to consume you.
enjoy your food, enjoy your libations, bless them, be thankful for them.
putting those vindictive thoughts to bed by the realization that they are not even real. be free of the balls and chains of our self induced negativity, allowing ourselves enjoyment of what god has given us.

2009-11-16T18:28:00.000-08:00

i felt some loneliness pangs today, missing good comfortable friends from back home.... friends that are like snuggling up next to a warm fireplace and before i know it, i am heated from the inside out. where conversation is easy, exciting, where guarded behavior is laid to rest.
i kind of glided through the day in a bit of a trance....atypically desensitized.
i wound up talking to almost everyone i know back home, needless to say. and funny enough, a few of them touched base with me out of the blue...whereas i delightfully remarked, 'ya know, i was JUST thinking about you......"

so, looks like its just me and my glass of wine. and a bath. faithful companions that they are. goodnight.

swartzenegger

2009-11-14T07:07:00.000-08:00

green magma pineapple banana strawberry smoothie and coffee to fuel my upcoming spinning class. there is something about spinning instructors, aside from their tree trunks they call quads and hams. so excited about biking, so energized, so pumped, so on your asses constantly with an imaginary whip....a mini arnold is what she is...Ja, we ah heah to "pump you up."
hmmm.....sooo, glutton for punishment? masochist? arguable.

relinquish control

2009-11-13T07:51:00.000-08:00

i hope this finds any and all smiling.
it is truly a winter wonderland out there in bozeman today, with yesterdays record breaking snowfall of two fluffy feet. the skies visually cut the cold, taking on a soft fleecy baby blue. the sunshine is beautiful, bejeweling all that it touches, popping diamonds out of the blankets of snow that cover our ground. its absolutely breathtaking today. i couldn't ask for anything more.

i am so desperately convinced that our thoughts are so powerful that they are responsible for how we are living our lives. we are riddled with worldly issues every day, from economical crisis, to political feuds, religious quarrels, impatience, deadlines, discriminations, sexism, power struggles, and serious ego trips. these worldly daily dealings are nothing more than intangible oppressions. we can allow ourselves to be afflicted by all that is proclaimed wrong with this world, all that is unjust and unfair, all that doesn't necessarily flow with our ideals. and then feeeel oppppressed, streesssssed, and tired. letting something that isn't even REAL suck the vital energy right out of us.
how resilient can we be when faced with these potential afflictions. the power is in our hands to be taken control of, or to recognize the mind games that oppression and ego plays with us. in recognition comes realization of a higher order than intellectual reasoning.

begin our days with thanks. for the ability to open our eyes, to breathe, and experience life. healthy. peace of mind. connecting to the spirit within us all....by just letting go and being quiet. by listening to our true selves instead of our egos. i feel like the answers we need are here. within us and around us.

skittles

2009-11-12T06:41:00.000-08:00

watching the snow flurries outside, in the comforts of my cozy abode. i have at least a foot of freshly stacked snow on my deck railings....i guess the weather man nailed it last night with the winter storm warnings....and my naked purple car, who i gingerly refer to as skittle, buried in the fresh powder... i am hoping she stays sweet for me.... i haven't ever been a fan of sour skittles.

so, the light of a new day is upon us. and my morning is sprawled out in front of me, asking to be taken advantage of. that, i can do.

a day filled with small delights....

2009-11-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

its lavender and sugar glazed salmon this evening. over a bed of spinich, mixed with every veggie i could find in my fridge. i am pretty happy with my culinary prowess as a single chick who lives alone, i gotta say.

i had a wonderful day today. Veterans day. i started my morning off with a nice jog downtown, weaving through parks and trails. the moon and stars were out for most of the run, which made it a little exciting. i felt safe though, which is one aspect i love about this community. not much crime or violence here.

after my rosy cheeked run, i dove into the comforts of my coffee. i don't mess around with the coffee, i practically have it down to a science, exactly how i like it. its like my morning dose of crack, really. Strong french roast (french press), a mess of vanilla icecream, vanilla extract, cinnamom, and raw cane sugar. it is so yummy that...here i am, writing about it.

after my belly warming, grin wearing morning, i drive to work. my little girl was sleeping til 8 or so... woke her up playing piano. A song i have been writing for my sister maia and her soon to be baby arrival, Caleb. Nicole wakes up singing, which i love so much... communication is challenging with her so any baby steps towards conveying an emotion or a feeling seem to be a step in the right direction. and piano is one of those ways we communicate.

this family i work for has this gorgeous ivy that i have had my eye on since i started working for them. i have been meaning to ask for a clipping of this plant so that i could root the ivy and eventually start a plant of my own. i thought, however, that i would be overstepping bounds due to the fact that this particular ivy is young and doesn't have long limbs to pluck yet. BUT, this morning.... after talking with chuck, the dad.... he mentioned, without prompt may i add, that he had rescued all of these huge vibrant gorgeous plants in the dining room (including the ivy) from a flood through his restoration business. and him and jana (the momma) were just NOT into these plants. so, nerdily enough, sensing an 'in' on the plant clipping scheme of things, i asked if i could take a clipping of the ivy, seeings how they were a pain to begin with. and he more than willingly just offered me ALL of the plants. 4. the young ivy, this spider plant, another tropical looking plant with 4 foot branches spreading in all sorts of directions, and another leafy green monster plant. needless to say, i was ecstatic. so i brought them home, gave them some tlc, and i am soooo tickled. it was not just an average ivy, okay people! it was special.

so my afternoon was spent relaxing at wild joes, not doing much of anything but eating and surfing. back to work, fed my girl dinner, played some more piano... and am now home.

a hot bath and a cold dish of huckleberry yogurt are the cherry on my sundae today.

i will leave you with this great quote that i happened to glimpse at today;
"Where there is one grain of perseverance or willfulness in the composition, trifling obstacles are ever known rather to stimulate than discourage." The Professor/Charlotte Bronte

starlit snuggles all..............

2009-11-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

good morning

beloved, i wish above all things that you may prosper and be in health, even as your soul prospers.
3 john verse 2

glimpses

2009-11-08T07:02:00.000-08:00

streeeetching my southern montana sunny sunday morning like playdoh.
started my day fervently, with a orange flavored bath and a french roast scented mug of coffee. both of which summon my purr.

i am so thankful for today. and all that comes with it, the good, the bad, and the ugly. whether the journey is smooth sailing, crash course, or somewhere in between, i hope i have the wherewithal to extract the rooted essence of it. to understand that situations that may arise are naked in their intent to show us something. glimpses. of ourselves. glimpses of our strengths. or maybe our weaknesses. but i hope that i don't ever stop growing from what life gives to me. but that i use those sunny rays of experiences to gain spiritual limbs and leaves, to blossom.

fairy land

2009-10-30T18:32:00.000-07:00

the virgins rock, ballybunion, ireland. i took this photo 3 years ago.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmZjWeXsaL0

halloween.
Originally spelled hallowe'en. This is shortened from All hallows E'en. E'en meaning Even, which is a shortening of evening. All Hallows Evening.
Hallow translates to mean holy.

also called: All Hallows Eve, The Feast of the Dead, Samhain, The Celtic New Year, The Day of the Dead, Devils Day, All Hallowtide, Hells Night, and Nos Calan Gaeaf.

Where does this dawn of the dead, masked celebration spawn from?

Halloween is rooted in Ancient Ireland and Scotland as the festival of 'Samhain', meaning 'summers end' in Old Irish.
It is said to celebrate the lighter half of the year and the beginning of the dark half.

The ancient Celts, and many of the modern day traditionalists, believe in the otherworld. Tales and folklore exploring the realm of the dead, the home of the deities. Existing over the Western Sea and alongside the world of the living.
During All Hallows Evening, this border between our world and the otherworld is thin, allowing spirits to pass through.
bad spirits and good spirits. ancestors and family spirits were honored and invited home, while the evil spirits were warded off.

the disguises?

the need to ward off these harmful spirits led to costumes and disguises. the thought was if one was to disguise oneself as a harmful spirit, they would avoid harm by scaring off demons.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dAOmx2fRyck&feature=related

weaving

2009-10-23T18:57:00.000-07:00

friday beckons with familiar undertones of mischieviousness, catplay. luring catcalls, with the promise of unhinged excitement. all are tempted, when drawn away from their own lusts, and enticed.... we weave, then, a tapestry. patterned with decisions binded with consequences. lessons tied to experiences. the patterns of unlearned lessons repeat itself within the course of weaving. theres beauty in the spiraling and theres beauty in the simplicity. theres beauty in the repetiveness. the infinite ways in which we weave our lives is an expression of who we are. our experiences, our individualistic scope of moral reasoning, our testimony. our truths.

morning bear hug

2009-10-18T05:25:00.000-07:00

good morning all. sunday is upon us....and i am up before she is, for a change...

my yellowstone coffee is, once again, giving my insides a giant bear hug....

winter. spring. summer. fall

2009-10-15T15:56:00.000-07:00

with each season, brings play....

winter brings....
descent into the clouds....
bridger mountain, waaay up top, bozeman

snowshoeing...hyalite canyon, bozeman

bigfork

spring brings....
rainbows, wilsall

lupines....paradise valley

bears....yellowstone

AND MY BIRTHDAY!

summer brings....
flathead lake, bigfork

hiking...
jewel basin, bigfork

camping...
jewel basin, bigfork

with a side of whimsicalness....whitefish

and fall brings...
football, bozeman

falling of leaves and people, woodland park, kalispell

taylor jade, kalispell

hyalite canyon

2009-10-14T18:09:00.000-07:00

no, we don't have THIS MUCH SNOW YET.... these are from a few years back....

a snowshoeing venture up hyalite

hyalite canyon, bozeman

can you make out the plates? very stuck.

mystic lake, hylalite canyon

pickle barrel does rule. but palisade falls are even cooler. pun.

thats a wrap

big sky country

2009-10-13T18:04:00.000-07:00

on my drive home tonight, i couldn't help but look around in awe. the snow capped mountains, the colors of fall, the fresh air, the feel of it. i am incredibly fortunate to live here and honestly, i have been absorbed in my blessings lately. i hope that there is no saturation point. soooooo, as my tiger shrimp thaw and morel mushrooms expand... lets take a look at some mt goodies that i have found in my picture banks.....

big sky country, flathead river, kalispell

tobacco road, just south of eureka

my backyard growing up, eureka

its the sweetest most simple things....

more montana....

2009-10-11T13:49:00.000-07:00

nestled into sundays lap... enjoying yellowstone coffee topped with vanilla icecream. neil young singing about his ranch in the backdrop.... life is good.
more of montana....enjoy

yellowstone rainbow, in tribute to my wonderful java this morning

dickey lake...in between whitefish and eureka

crystal waters of dickey lake

....madison river....bozeman

my poppas fishing boat in the sunset, bigfork

madison river

birds eye of bozeman

raven, flathead lake

maia and i

montana

2009-10-09T17:44:00.000-07:00

we don't call it the treasure state for nothin...here's a few of my faves from the wilsall rodeo a few years back....

the bank bar in wilsall montana...

thunderjack...this photo is hanging in the bank bar as a matter of fact

and on our way home.....