sissies and tomboys

winding down for the evening. salmon searing in the kitchen, eleuthero infused herbal tea taming my tension. a nice time of night, to say the least. i was thinking..... my last few entries, in a sense, have been a playhouse for figurative speech, metaphors and synechdotes wrestling in good rapport. for tonight, and for a few nights to follow... i am just gonna write a bit about different topics of interest that i am either studying in school, or tapping into on my own time.

gender roles.

roll that around in your brain for a second. sounds harmless. its not the kind of term that bites hard, it will just throw a collar around your neck and lead you down a road of ambiguity. so, harmless? maybe not the right word. i would say that gender roles.... have the potential of inhibiting true self. society's influence on the biologically based categories of male and female is the textbook definition. we, as a westernized culture, have been taught that males should exude masculinity. traits such as self-confidence, behaviors such as aggression, and interests such as sports have been assigned to the male gender role. females should exude femininity. we have been assigned gender traits such as compassion, behaviors such as nurturing, and interests such as cooking.

i dont buy into statistical significance. my opinions resonate with, what is known in gender debated psychology, as constructionalism. where facts about gender don't exist. these facts are merely interpretations of many many many viewpoints. many biased tainted studies. the world can't be viewed objectively. there is always opinions, experiences, behaviors, biases, gradations of every emotion concievable to tweak statistics. in addition, there is the force of society on the individual that has the capacity to distort every imaginable response, and therefore blowing statistics cover.

okay, so i don't doubt the inkling of validity in studies. and there IS the probability accounted for in human error and variability...yadda yadda. significant studies turn my head and may tweak MY interest...but as far as being consumed, living and breathing numbers, and being a stat snob...is redonkulous.

there should be no tiptoeing around lines. following of designated paths. or assuming a gender role, just because our culture tells us that it is appropriate.

in tahiti, men and women share responsiblities of all types. women and men have the same status and share equal opportunities. there is no pressure on men and women to behave differently or to abide by traditional gender roles. theres no machisimo. there isn't even a tahitian word for gender. there is no female or male pronouns. aaaaand, they get along like peas and carrots.... as far as i know. interestingly enough, there is no war, hunting, little aggression....nothing for "men to defend." no basis for masculinity to have evolved.

i have met some very effiminate straight as an arrow men. i have met some burly ass heterosexual women. it is what it is. let it be what it is. hold the judgements please. and thankyou.

hormones play a role. androgen. testosterone. estrogen. etc. i am not going there tonight.

so, in the end, for the sake of, oh lets say equality...and for the light of the spirit... understand the individual, male or female, for who they are. jettison norms and expectations. i feel that there is an interminable amount of pressure that is accomponied by various expectations. these expectations are chomping at the bit to sit on your shoulders and get fatter and fatter by the bullshit that society feeds it. and before you know it, you have additional weight, additional stress, additional society fed bullshit weighing you down. aka gender role strain.

accepting assigned roles, in gender and in life, is essentially a sign up sheet for wing clipping. yikes. no thanks.

fairytale morning

the morning sun streams through my stained glass windows, illuminating my morning hair doo, which happens to resemble that of the woman busdriver off of south park. it is going to be beautiful today, from the deciduous trees painting nuances of the rainbow all over town to the frisky fall scarves, hats, and jackets that are freshly adorned. The sweet tonic that makes up bozeman air is an irresistable elixir this morning...coupled with the young mornings sugary chirps...makes me feel truly blessed to live here.

some peas and quiet

decided to lay low this friday evening. its been a pressing week and i finally have some time for myself. presently, rosemary flavored tofu is sizzling on my stovetop with a bounty full of colorful vegetables ready to join the mix. last year, i happened across a rice cooker, in one of those "free boxes" on the side of the road. brand new... so introduced my cooker to some long grain brown rice.... i am hoping they hit it off. happy to be.

http://www.youtube.com /watch?v=Wg2Y0jUq-Lw

Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you, Julia.

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

When I cannot speak my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia.

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia.

Hum hum hum hum...calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia, Julia, Julia.

huckleberries

i found myself weaving snakishly through this past weekend, owning somewhat of a subconciously purposeful enjoyment in throwing myself into precarious situations. cheap wine, mercedes benz, ol saloon bar in immigrant, paradise valley, dented mercedes benz, sexism, bigotry, pretentious millionares, telling pretentious millionare aholes that they are pretentious aholes=friday night.
sloppy greasy food, bloody marys and red beer, yellowstone river, huckleberry shake, witnessing idiotic ex boyfriend behavior, confusion as to what i saw in him in the first place, pesto basil tortellini, fine cheese, cheap wine, guitar hero and wii bowling till the wee hours=saturday night.
recooperating presently. that huckleberry shake was the highlight.

personal space

good morning. i was able to sleep in today, which is brilliant in my book. i live in the top apartment of this adorable white house, where buckets of natural light stream in the various shaped and sized windows throughout. so this particular morning, i have hours, not to kill, but to absorb. a breakfast of homemade zucchini bread (thank you teunny) and freshly sliced watermelon awaits me...as i flounce around in this ridiculously large pink robe of mine, with tori amos owning pandora in the musical background, i am thoroughly enjoying my own space.

rat race

my life has turned into a cyclic display of grappling for those few blissful moments of sleep, in betwixt arduous classes and work. i am not sure if cyclic display is the right expression, more like an internal war has been waged. between my sensible passivity who likes to whistle while she works and the whirlwind tyrant that storms through life with a take no prisoners vengeance. so far, the tyrant has gained headway, running through this race so fast but forgetting to breathe....so maybe my sensibility will slowly overtake the tyrant, seeings how that grounded and well founded part of me has and will assuredly be breathing through the entirety.