it always suprises me, dating.... for lack of a better word. getting to know eachother. it can be so painfully awkward. you have two people, completely different backgrounds, it seems only natural that there would be a little rub between two people. rub as in friction. friction as in difference. two different worlds, two entirely different experiences, environments, upbringings.... at a certain point, maybe you are attracted to somebody due to their morals, values, and beliefs. So, you'd think, having a psuedo similar mind track, that this would alleviate any unneccessary discomfort. no, that doesn't seem to be the case. damn.
in a perfect little world, there would be world peace.... AND easy dating. sitting comfortable in early adulthood, a smorgasbord of life experiences behind my belt, almost donned like an indian would their tribal feathers.... signifiying growth, maturity, a sprinkle of wisdom here and there, but put me in a room with a guy and my brain turns to mush and my lips start resembling that of a freakin ventriloquist. geez. louise.
serious, i have a handle on most balls.
throw me a curve, i can usually hit it out of the park. (here is where you hear the 'toot' of my own horn). surmounting obstacles...check.... facing challenges.... check....leaping tall buildings....sure why not.... acting somewhat normal with another prospective consort in the same room.... WHAT THE EF?????
its the funniest thing really, i find myself laughing out loud at what a retard i can be. like, REALLY JULES??????
Dorkus: someone who acts a bit dorky but is cute at the same time. An UNATTRACTIVE female dork. An ATTRACTIVE female dork is called a "Dorkette".
Alright, now that I have completely put my ass on the line for people to pin tall tales on..... that is that.
The tragically hip part of this whole chuckle worthy charade of nonsensicalness is that, after a few times teasing apart the facade.... you eventually get to know one another. bringing the matter to a T. Continue teasing apart and enjoy all the new discoveries that are made. Or be on your way, making the GRAND realization that... NO, you are not eachothers missing links, NO you are not eachother missing puzzle pieces, YES, you are two village idiots living in the same village, but two wrongs most definitly don't make a right. happy sunday all!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
getting back on track from a slightly derailed saturday...spent time with some good friends and made some new ones... everyone was in high spirits... even went to the ZEBRA and attempted dancing with a huge pair of sorel snowboots. somewhat like a clumsy clydesdale. much laughter, great conversation, and a red velvet chocolate cake to double knot the night.
it took an extra slice of will power to wake up this morning and make my way to yoga. was so happy to be there and work the kinks of the weekend out. instructor did make a comment, something along of the lines of... 'are you okay julia?' i may have fell out of sun salutation sequence a few times...
i decided, for my final art capstone project, i am going to sketch a series of self portraits. incorportating a light source projected at different angles... i think i will use charcoal, ebony pencil, and white and sepia...so this will keep me occupied through thanksgiving....
it took an extra slice of will power to wake up this morning and make my way to yoga. was so happy to be there and work the kinks of the weekend out. instructor did make a comment, something along of the lines of... 'are you okay julia?' i may have fell out of sun salutation sequence a few times...
i decided, for my final art capstone project, i am going to sketch a series of self portraits. incorportating a light source projected at different angles... i think i will use charcoal, ebony pencil, and white and sepia...so this will keep me occupied through thanksgiving....
Saturday, November 21, 2009
in yesterdays thoughts, i alluded with a follow up on bible verses concerning pain.
maybe another day. not this morning. i don't feel like diving into the complexity of pain, repentance, and salvation. its a bit early for my ticker to tock like that.
i had a bout of restlessness last night, so i am up with the moon and the stars this morning. cat/griz today. looks like there will be a three way rivalry, due to the snowfall this morning. i was actually throwing the idea back and forth of an uber early jog. but when i peered outside, the bark of the trees turned into growls due to the fierceness of the wind.
bidding adieu
maybe another day. not this morning. i don't feel like diving into the complexity of pain, repentance, and salvation. its a bit early for my ticker to tock like that.
i had a bout of restlessness last night, so i am up with the moon and the stars this morning. cat/griz today. looks like there will be a three way rivalry, due to the snowfall this morning. i was actually throwing the idea back and forth of an uber early jog. but when i peered outside, the bark of the trees turned into growls due to the fierceness of the wind.
bidding adieu
Friday, November 20, 2009
illusions
pain. ouch. how can four little letters convey such emotion.... damn diggity.
there is so many areas that i could attack this concept...explanatorily attack that is. or at least attempt to make sense of what i have come to understand regarding pain.
we have all, in some degree experienced pain. and hurt. and sadness. over a plethora of different things that have happened to us in our lives. i fell prey to the meat grinder, was spit into pieces, and it took years to put myself back together. and when i finally did, i wasn't the same person anymore. the experience had changed me. and it took a while for me to really understand the benefit from the hell on earth i endured.
so what the bleep is pain, and why the bleep do we have to endure it?
the all out balls to the wall no holds bar question.
there are some interesting interpretations of pain, as well as residual pain, which eckart tolle has given a name, pain-bodies.
there are many teaching, expressing that the state of pain is ultimately an illusion. this is so hard to fathom. that those feelings and experiences that i have had, i am sure you have had, were in vain. that those minutes, hours, days, and even years of borderline unbearable pain were avoidable. but, if this is true, even if there is some slight nuance of truth to this, how amazing would that be. if by some shift in conscious awareness, by choosing what it is that we give life to. as we hack and stumble through the dense forests of feelings and sadness, when there is a groomed trail right beside us.
so years ago, post traumatic experience, i wasn't able to find that nice trail to reprieve, and i stumbled along, and i felt heavy and sad. as many of us do, i think. for the longest time, even when i thought that i had surpassed and conquered the monsters of my past, these feelings would rise from time to time. in certain situations. eckart tolle, one of my favorite authors of all time, terms these feelings pain-bodies.
the accumulated pain, he says, is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. if you let it. it has two modes of being-dormant and active. extremely depressed people may have an active pain body 100 % of the time. For others, this pain body may surface during intimate relationships or situations linked with past loss or abandonent, physical or emotional hurts, and so on. The active state of pain can be triggered, in other words.
these pain bodies want to survive. but they can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. it can then rise up, and take you over. energy speaking, it will come active when you resonate with its own kind of energy... further pain in any form... examples are anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness. pain feeding on pain.
this was what was happening to me for a few years after my experiences. i was still identifying with the hurt. my past, in essence, still had control over me.
another way of looking at the pain-body is as a dark shadow cast by the ego. a seperation from our truths. bringing in the light of our consciousness, our presence, light is shed on the disease of past pain and its phantom frailness and its formlessness. in order to shed light on the darkness, facing it full frontal style is in order. seeing it for what it is, observing what it is we are allowing to lurk. bringing attention and presence to the pain and the identification can be broken. calling it out as an imposter by bringing attention to the absurdity of its residual dwelling allows you begin the process of freedom from it.
St Paul
"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."
sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain body and your thought processes and brings about the process of transmutation. (eckart tolle)
transmutation: a theory that holds a person can modify the status or ownership of assets they own from separate property.
eckart tolle has written an entire book about this topic, and it is really food for thought. a different way of looking at ourselves, at rising above disease, and bringing awareness into all that comprises us.
the bible has many beautiful verses on pain and the beauty that we can extract from it. tonight, i will delve into biblical ins and outs interpretations of pain.
i need to get ready for class... have a great day everyone!
there is so many areas that i could attack this concept...explanatorily attack that is. or at least attempt to make sense of what i have come to understand regarding pain.
we have all, in some degree experienced pain. and hurt. and sadness. over a plethora of different things that have happened to us in our lives. i fell prey to the meat grinder, was spit into pieces, and it took years to put myself back together. and when i finally did, i wasn't the same person anymore. the experience had changed me. and it took a while for me to really understand the benefit from the hell on earth i endured.
so what the bleep is pain, and why the bleep do we have to endure it?
the all out balls to the wall no holds bar question.
there are some interesting interpretations of pain, as well as residual pain, which eckart tolle has given a name, pain-bodies.
there are many teaching, expressing that the state of pain is ultimately an illusion. this is so hard to fathom. that those feelings and experiences that i have had, i am sure you have had, were in vain. that those minutes, hours, days, and even years of borderline unbearable pain were avoidable. but, if this is true, even if there is some slight nuance of truth to this, how amazing would that be. if by some shift in conscious awareness, by choosing what it is that we give life to. as we hack and stumble through the dense forests of feelings and sadness, when there is a groomed trail right beside us.
so years ago, post traumatic experience, i wasn't able to find that nice trail to reprieve, and i stumbled along, and i felt heavy and sad. as many of us do, i think. for the longest time, even when i thought that i had surpassed and conquered the monsters of my past, these feelings would rise from time to time. in certain situations. eckart tolle, one of my favorite authors of all time, terms these feelings pain-bodies.
the accumulated pain, he says, is a negative energy field that occupies your body and mind. if you let it. it has two modes of being-dormant and active. extremely depressed people may have an active pain body 100 % of the time. For others, this pain body may surface during intimate relationships or situations linked with past loss or abandonent, physical or emotional hurts, and so on. The active state of pain can be triggered, in other words.
these pain bodies want to survive. but they can only survive if it gets you to unconsciously identify with it. it can then rise up, and take you over. energy speaking, it will come active when you resonate with its own kind of energy... further pain in any form... examples are anger, destructiveness, hatred, grief, emotional drama, violence, and even illness. pain feeding on pain.
this was what was happening to me for a few years after my experiences. i was still identifying with the hurt. my past, in essence, still had control over me.
another way of looking at the pain-body is as a dark shadow cast by the ego. a seperation from our truths. bringing in the light of our consciousness, our presence, light is shed on the disease of past pain and its phantom frailness and its formlessness. in order to shed light on the darkness, facing it full frontal style is in order. seeing it for what it is, observing what it is we are allowing to lurk. bringing attention and presence to the pain and the identification can be broken. calling it out as an imposter by bringing attention to the absurdity of its residual dwelling allows you begin the process of freedom from it.
St Paul
"Everything is shown up by being exposed to the light, and whatever is exposed to the light itself becomes light."
sustained conscious attention severs the link between the pain body and your thought processes and brings about the process of transmutation. (eckart tolle)
transmutation: a theory that holds a person can modify the status or ownership of assets they own from separate property.
eckart tolle has written an entire book about this topic, and it is really food for thought. a different way of looking at ourselves, at rising above disease, and bringing awareness into all that comprises us.
the bible has many beautiful verses on pain and the beauty that we can extract from it. tonight, i will delve into biblical ins and outs interpretations of pain.
i need to get ready for class... have a great day everyone!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
serendipity
serendipity: the effect by which one stumbles upon something fortunate.
i heard this word used this morning by a group of doctors while awaiting an appointment. something along the lines of..."was this planned, or serendipitous?"
what a great word.
i suppose sagacity plays a role in serendipity. whereas one, who flips trips and dips unto something, someone, an experience that is unexpectedly miraculous.... being able to mentally discern (sagacity) what has just taken place is of utmost importance. otherwise, these miracles float on, unnoticed....
i have, jokes aside, been experiencing serendipitous moments scattered, like a sprinkling of fairy dust, throughout my days.
i am not talking about schizoid delusions of grandeur here, i am talking about little teensy tinsy happenenings that are so beautifully orchestrated, that it leaves me, actually emotionally jaw dropped.
i am not sure how else to describe it, other than i recognize this glory in my life and how blessed i am. how beautiful positive energy is, how prayer has opened my eyes. experiencing joy in my life in so many different ways. thank god for that.
Sun is shining, the weather is sweet
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know ya, where I stand
When the morning gathers the rainbow
Want you to know I'm a rainbow too
So, to the rescue here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, know, know
Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, where I stand
i heard this word used this morning by a group of doctors while awaiting an appointment. something along the lines of..."was this planned, or serendipitous?"
what a great word.
i suppose sagacity plays a role in serendipity. whereas one, who flips trips and dips unto something, someone, an experience that is unexpectedly miraculous.... being able to mentally discern (sagacity) what has just taken place is of utmost importance. otherwise, these miracles float on, unnoticed....
i have, jokes aside, been experiencing serendipitous moments scattered, like a sprinkling of fairy dust, throughout my days.
i am not talking about schizoid delusions of grandeur here, i am talking about little teensy tinsy happenenings that are so beautifully orchestrated, that it leaves me, actually emotionally jaw dropped.
i am not sure how else to describe it, other than i recognize this glory in my life and how blessed i am. how beautiful positive energy is, how prayer has opened my eyes. experiencing joy in my life in so many different ways. thank god for that.
Sun is shining, the weather is sweet
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know ya, where I stand
When the morning gathers the rainbow
Want you to know I'm a rainbow too
So, to the rescue here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, know, know
Sun is shining, the weather is sweet now
Make you want to move your dancing feet
To the rescue, here I am
Want you to know just if you can
Where I stand, know, know, know, where I stand
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
taylor jade
once upon a time there was this little girl by the name of taylor jade. from the first time you laid eyes on her, you knew she was....special.
and when i say special, i mean captivatingly charismaticaly hook line and sinker sugar and spice. flavorful. bouncing brown curls, two fat dimples in each rosy red cheek, and playful eyes.
whats this look all about?
smile big
and....bigger
and.....really ginormous
the personality on this kid is ridiculous. straight up independent, try anything, go anywhere, scopin out the territory, fearless, need for speed type of girl. or speedo in this case...
in any case, i just love her to pieces....
and you wonder where she gets it? hmm.......
jammin
coffee in the press, bob marley action to keep me satisfied in the background...
i scraped myself out of bed this morning, negotiating whether the idea of spinning class at 6:30 a.m. was really necessary. as i went to turn off my alarm, i noticed a few messages, one of which expressed something along the lines of meteor showers before dawn. alright, that got me up.
strapped on my sorels and ventured into the chilly star clad morning. i didn't spot any meteors, but i did see some shooting stars during class...torture induced of course..... i think i dropped 5 pounds in sweat alone. ah, the grueling satisfaction.
wow, this coffee is so good. yum.
there is this verse in the bible that i would like to share this morning.
For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:
For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
-1 Timothy 4:4-5
i really love this. i love it for many reasons. for me, it says that we have been given all types of blessed food sources for our life energy. fish, birds, game...plants, grains, fruits, water, grapes for wine, barley for beer...
it says that no matter what is set before us, or what we set out to find...whether elaborate or simple, that we should be thankful. that it is blessed to our bodies.
on the same thread, there are those that are in somewhat of a trepidation about food and drink and calorie content... those with a distorted body image, fearful of putting anything into their body... i have been there before. i understand the fearfulness that can grip you, allowing feverish anxiousness to consume you.
enjoy your food, enjoy your libations, bless them, be thankful for them.
putting those vindictive thoughts to bed by the realization that they are not even real. be free of the balls and chains of our self induced negativity, allowing ourselves enjoyment of what god has given us.
i scraped myself out of bed this morning, negotiating whether the idea of spinning class at 6:30 a.m. was really necessary. as i went to turn off my alarm, i noticed a few messages, one of which expressed something along the lines of meteor showers before dawn. alright, that got me up.
strapped on my sorels and ventured into the chilly star clad morning. i didn't spot any meteors, but i did see some shooting stars during class...torture induced of course..... i think i dropped 5 pounds in sweat alone. ah, the grueling satisfaction.
wow, this coffee is so good. yum.
there is this verse in the bible that i would like to share this morning.
For every creature of God is good, and nothing to be refused, if it be received with thanksgiving:
For it is sanctified by the word of God and prayer.
-1 Timothy 4:4-5
i really love this. i love it for many reasons. for me, it says that we have been given all types of blessed food sources for our life energy. fish, birds, game...plants, grains, fruits, water, grapes for wine, barley for beer...
it says that no matter what is set before us, or what we set out to find...whether elaborate or simple, that we should be thankful. that it is blessed to our bodies.
on the same thread, there are those that are in somewhat of a trepidation about food and drink and calorie content... those with a distorted body image, fearful of putting anything into their body... i have been there before. i understand the fearfulness that can grip you, allowing feverish anxiousness to consume you.
enjoy your food, enjoy your libations, bless them, be thankful for them.
putting those vindictive thoughts to bed by the realization that they are not even real. be free of the balls and chains of our self induced negativity, allowing ourselves enjoyment of what god has given us.
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