gauntlet

The sun is shining.
Today has many good things in store. My wonderful beautiful friend is coming to see me today. She is so much fun, my only friend that can get my guts to laugh too. After a meditational training this evening, its sushi... visions of hamachi sashimi and unagi are rolling around in my brain....hmmmm, hotsprings and live music to follow. Last road trip with this funny/sunny friend of mine consisted of unhinged bellowing laughter as we impersonated every animal we could think of, while wearing blue wigs and pink sunglasses. Its hysterical the ways in which we can invariably interpret a donkey.

After a rough week, one that reverberated with disappointments, i am able to move forward. I stand strong, tall, and independent. I move through lifes gauntlet with a self taught manueverability, dancing, dodging, leaping, albeit smiling. However the glistening edged guillotine of unfulfilled expectations rendered me emotionally immobile, taking me out with one swift chop.

So, coming back to the understanding that my happiness, which is what we universally seek, is not derived by external events but by my state of mind.

so, deep breath, and a nod to experiences that plant seeds of growth, i move on to the next game of hopscotch...

Winter Season Skims to an end at Big Sky

Big Sky Resort went out in style this year, celebrating the end of the season with the 2010 Pond Skim last weekend. Mother nature cooperated nicely, adorned in blue skies and white fluffy snow. The sweet weather brought up a nice following too, the hills scattered with happy riders. I spent a good part of the morning getting acquainted with the more challenging parts of the hill. And by getting acquainted, I mean tumbling down the mountain, like a bruise-cruise. With my ego waning and glutes crying, I stuck to the more forgiving groomers from there out.
Around 4 o’ clock, a ginormous group of eager observers headed to the icy cold pond set up at the foot of Ambush run. The goal: glide across the water and don’t fall in, and hit a nice little kicker beforehand. Okay ready….go.



The contestants were indiscriminate in age, size, and ability. It isn’t too often you can see a 5 year old sporting a robin costume fly off a jump into an icy cold vat of water. Its also not everyday that you get to see a fly fisher in skis.




Teletubbies of every shade of the rainbow did flips and dips into the pond. Tonto from Lone Ranger flew off the jump, as did Gumby, and Superman. Chubaca even made an appearance. One skier was so excited getting ready, she forgot to put on her shirt.




And what makeshift Dr. Seuss party is complete without Thing One and Thing Two?



Those that decided to stick around for the festivities were able to stomp around in the snow a little longer to the flow of bluegrass band, Cropduster.

And to wrap it up, Dr. Suess style;

"You're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting,
So... get on your way!"

breathe. i try and breathe. i try so hard.

chugga chugga chugga choo choo

saturday mornings...theres something particularly sweet about them.
i am devoting today to revising my thesis, studying for my well-being quiz, and tackling my musical study guide for a test tuesday..over the beatles, the beach boys...and such. coffee plays a significant role in my day...and maybe i will even manage changing out of my robe...but that is under scrutiny.
i also need to think about photos and commencement announcements for graduation. i obviously will be putting those together myself... ideally, i would like to have that done by the end of the weekend and sent off by early next week...seeings how i am on the tail end of school...with graduation being 6 weeks away.
it looks like my sisters and brother should be coming down from the valley, which is exciting. so, busy and productive weekend...
i really have had my fill of the party scene, suprisingly. which, sadly, tightens my social circle to...uh... pretty much myself. but i am okay with that...
its really hard for me to fathom my actual graduation. i have positioned these moments as a goal for several years...graduation before i was 30. and i have finally arrived. it feels really good...i have worked so hard and pushed through so many obstacles to get here, completely supported myself in every way, and made it. i am extremely proud of myself.
I have so many ideas about post graduation. if i had a a stash of cash, i know exactly what i would do. but, i don't. so, looking beyond bozeman, and money making schemes...i have been tossing around the idea of working on a cruiseliner as a photographer (hopefully), and saving money for 3 to 4 months. I would travel all over the world and get paid for it. which is kinda dynamite. plus, i would be doing all this with one of my favorites, claudia from costa rica. it is our tentative game plan. start writing, meeting people, traveling, hopefully not getting sea sick, saving money, and by the finish line of the excursion, i will hopefully have enough money saved up to either continue my traveling in some exciting new continent, or head back to the U.S. (san fran) and start fulfilling my dreams.
I, really want to leave these major life decisions open...i want to be guided by a higher power than myself...
so, lots of exciting new ventures in my life. I didn't ever think i would be in my late twenties with no attachments. not even a pet. 11 plants tho, which i have formed a bit of love for...but all in all, i am open for adventure. which is pretty fabulous in my opinion.
so, with all of that said, only time will tell. ciao.

hoopla

aww... fabulous morning.
simple but fabulous. fabulous because the sun is out, because dave matthews is on, because my coffee has jumpstarted my happy little brain cells into overdrive, and because today is open. no plans, no dates, no meetings, no work, no school. just me and my pink robe and my ridiculously messy mop...and oversized black studded glasses.

i happen to be extremely happy with myself this morning...and the coffee may have something to do with that..however, my sense of elatedness stems from a recent personal accomplishment...a surmounted 'obstacle', a....relational growth.

relationships have more often than not been slightly bitter sweet for me. just because, boys shoot for my achilles tendon, and usually hit it dead on. my weakness...
and in saying this, brief yet disclosing bit of information, i will add by saying i have always been sent signals, like intuition signals...like we all do. and i have always ignored them... but THIS time... i didn't ignore the signals. I knew that it wasn't right...despite the fact that 'the boy' is hella cool. but just not right. so, sitting on the pinnacle of this relationship, it dawned on me...no, i trusted my senses, that we weren't right for eachother... i could go down the path of least resistance and be struck by the arrow and undoubtedly fall... or trot down the path that leads me to the water buckets...

i know this probably sounds confusing to those that may not know me personally... (here is my mental warfare concerning the situation...) like, what the heck is this broad talking about? am i sensitive to rejection? in that, i will break it off before there is potential to be hurt? how would i know if it was meant to be or not unless i gave it a solid chance? why not risk it and take a chance and see where it goes?
all decent arguments.
however, aside from all the shoulda woulda couldas of relationships, i just couldn't see a future. and i didn't want to waste my energy on somebody who i couldn't fathom being in my life. and i told him that. ouch. i hope i didn't hit his achilles too hard.

anyways, enough with the hoopla... just saying. i totally rock my own world at this juncture in time. ciao.

can we change?

Maslow says, in regards to our changing that...
~it is in our nature to grow, even when we are not trying to
~We have 2 forces within- the pull toward safety and the pull toward growth (oscillate between safety/growth, dependence/independence, regression/progression)
~failure to respect the child's innate growth choices result in the child's loss of a sense of self..(psychic death).
~that need gratification drives behavior in a hierarchial manner

Quantum change
elements that distinguish quantum change include sudden, dramatic, enduring.
outcomes?
~release from negative feelings
~a change in values and priorities
~change in relationships
~feeling of interconnectedness
~sense of gratitude

An 'emergentist' view of quantum change, therapeutically speaking....
~an environment that fosters change
~a spiritual component
~guidance in managing feelings
~living through the questions

self concordant goals: consistant with the person's interest and core values...
~more investment of energy and more sustained effort
~stronger feeling of autonomy, competence, relatedness

Intrinsic vs extrinsic goals:
intrinsic: produce good things, greater self-actualization, feelings of vitality, less depression/anxiety...
extrinsic goals (success, money, material) have more emotional/physical conflicts with partners.

Adaption principle:
we return to our baseline levels of happiness... the lotto winner and the recent parapalegic... both return to their baseline levels.
lotto winner: gets accustomed to new comforts, takes advantage eventually...sinks back into baseline levels
parapalegic: life is over...initial frustration, begins to adapt and make modest goals.

you will always return to your default level of happiness...mostly genetic.
Are our efforts for happiness futile...
i certaintly think not.

Architecture of Happiness

Socrates (469-399 BC)
Founding figure of western philosophy
contribution to the field of ethics
know thyself... happiness is to be found by knowing thyself, our true nature, our soul.
Socrates believed wrongdoing was a consequence of ignorance and those who did wrong knew no better.
Socrates believed the best way for people to live was to focus on self-development rather than the pursuit of material wealth.
It is often argued that Socrates believed "ideals belong in a world only the wise man can understand", making the philosopher the only type of person suitable to govern others.

Plato: Socrates student
felt that reason and intuition would lead to understanding of what is eternal, beautiful and transcedent.
Happiness as the virtue of justice and the "balanced" soul.

Aristotle: Platos student
taught alexander the great
introduced 'eudamonia': possessed of true well-being
golden mean: the desirable middle between two extremes, one of excess and one of deficiency.
Ideal life: poise, harmony and the avoidance of emotional extremes
also, thought women were 'sub human' and 'cold' interestingly enough

Epicurus
founded epicureanism: materialism, hedonism, absence of divine principle
simple pleasures as the chief purpose of life, but doing so in moderation to avoid suffering caused by overindulgance.
More emphasis on pleasures of the mind then pleasures of the physical.
"with whom a person eats is of greater importance then what is eaten"
emphasized friendship
the "garden philosophers"
States that God, matter, and souls are all made up of atoms.
the fear of gods and death were discouraged

well-being=happiness + life satisfaction - negative emotions

Theories....
Bottom-up theory: the tangible things that make us happy

ie. coffee, chocolate, wine, skiing, quiet moments; circumstantial

Top-down theory: more cognitive, interpretation of life, our personality traits

factors that are correlated to happiness

wealthy democracies

marriage (may be causal)

avoiding negative events and emotions

strong social support network

religion

7 contributing factors to happiness/well-being

valuing the self
sense of perceived control

moving out of ourelves

optimism

relational lives

sense of meaning and purpose

personal "integration"

as far as slices of happiness pie goes, and as far as you are willing to take statistics word for it,

10% of happiness can be attributed to genetics, 40% circumstance, 50% behavior