And every common bush afire with God,
And only he who sees takes off his shoes;
The rest sit around it and pluck blackberries
~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
they say that those that really piss us off are our greatest teachers.
whoever "they" is, is a mystery to me, but i think "they" are onto something.
i naturally am fiery. Fiery in that i have the propensity to heat up quickly. This fire inside of me needs to be managed regularly, so that it doesn't get out of control and cause serious damage. I am not talking about me being volatile, persay. i am not. i feel i am a levelheaded person, who weighs actions and reactions to situations with consideration. Where my flames start to flicker is when there is blatent and repeated disrespect for an undeserving person. to be so disenchanted with human emotion and feeling, to bully someone in order to feed the ego, to push down in order to feel bigger. these types of things fan my flames. to the point where i wouldn't even be suprised if steam visibly poured out of every orifice of my body.
so, with that being said, i understand the importance of bringing peace into every situation. remembering that fighting fire with fire is like a game of the egos. and nobody wins that game. egos are constantly comparing, evaluating, judging,criticizing, measuring...nobody should have to perform to anyone else's standards in order to be loved and appreciated and respected. we are all loved unconditionally, regardless if we win at the egoic chess game of life.
ego. i refuse to invest my energy and fiery passion into ego, which is a creation of our minds anyways. its not even real, unless we breathe life into it. unless we breathe on the coals...its a lose lose situation. i expend my precious energy and am depleted spiritually by giving life to a phantom creation of our minds. what sense does that make? its crazy. to interact and be co-dependent with an invented phenomenon, ego.
last nights events prompted this post. i practiced patience throughout the course of the evening, being whiplashed repeatedly by a person who is ruled by their ego. and finally, i reacted. my kettle whistled. i have been practicing patience with this person since the day i met him. it just so happens that this person is wedged in between a great friend and myself and so our meetings are inevitable. for the sake of peace, i have been very kind and very forgiving. i have went out of my way, in an attempt to somehow alleviate this tension between us. all my intentions, unfortunately have continuouly been ill recieved, with complete disregard to me, my voice, or anything representing who i am.
last night, in hindsight, i should have just left early on in the evening, not subjecting myself to cruel intentions. i should have not let my ego be offended...seings that i have tried to kick ego and all its baggage out of my life for awhile now.
i suppose that all i can do at this point is be thankful for the lessons that i am taught by this person. taught that i can bumble through life, playing these trivial mind games, throwing flames, and consequently losing myself and my spiritual connection to God. Or, i can harness my energy and maintain my glow just enough to radiate enough heat to warm hands and toast marshmellows.
